Who Names The Colors

Girl Before A Mirror

October 2014

Jo woke up in a cold sweat to screaming.

"Mumma, mummy!" She heard Zoe calling and flipped her blankets off her legs and pulled on the sweats she kept by the bed.

She had been trying to work on letting Zoe self-soothe. Had a whole plan for it. They had gotten into some bad habits. Jo had nursed her down at night until a little past her second birthday. Zoe had gotten used to the warmth of Jo's body before sleep and wanted her to sing softly. For months, Jo had goneupstairs with her and rocked her to sleep, then she had laid on the floor and held her hand until she nodded off.

Her body would be stiff and her right shoulder smarted from laying on it. Zoe insisted on the hand holding and the positioning was entirely awkward. Usually the pain subsided relatively quickly, but lately Jo was feeling twinges during other activities. She'd tried to lift some weights in the university gym the other day and had to roll it around to the snap crackle and pop like a Terry's chocolate orange wrapper before she's hightailed it out of there. She hadn't left because of her shoulder.

Harry had been in her eyeline, punching away at a heavy bag. He was strong. The black cylinder swung like a cartoon uvula during an animated scream. She watched him long enough to get caught, and when he saw her across the room, motionless, watching him sweat and grunt he had froze too. Like there was some strange unmotion sickness attacking the gym inhabitants. When her eyes developed a mind of their own and followed sweat droplets down the arm facing her she caught a pleased smile out of the corner of her eye. Jo decided it was time to head out. Because of her shoulder.

Her shoulder was just another reason to get Zoe to put her herself to bed. So, she was squirming, half ready to go upstairs, but trying to wait the 15 minutes they had worked up to. The book said to add two minutes a night, until the child could get back to sleep without parental intervention. This was hard, listening to your kid scream in the night And purposely ignoring it. Ethan had slept with her until he was eight. He came into her room when there were storms until he was older than that. Double digits. She wouldn't take it back, but she didn't want to repeat it with Zoe. So Zoe slept in her crib, even if up until now that meant she lay on her floor for an Hour and then had to ninja her way out of the room and pray she didn't stub her toe of make a noise on the way out.

This week, Jo had decided that changes needed to be made, so she had taken to putting Zoe in bed and leaving the room and putting her back into her crib as many times as it took. It was bloody exhausting. She was very glad she had not got the toddler bed yet, that was a bribe for when Zoe slept all night by herself and didn't come out after bedtime. Jo imagined that just getting out from under covers, not having to scale slats and drop to the ground, would mean more in and outs of bed.

Tonight she had counted 22 before Zoe tired herself out. She'd tired Jo out the first night. But she was doing her best to stick it out. Even with the wake ups the new routine had produced in the night. She was trying to wait a full 15 minutes before she went yup. So far, Zoe could out cry and out last Ethan at every level. She'd had to go up there every night. She was so tired, and it was only Tuesday. She had lots of engagements and extra grading at school. But she was excited for the weekend.

Ethan was coming home this weekend and so Jo had convinced him to help her put together Zoe's new bed, in exchange for a night out with his friends. Though he had offered to watch Zoe so she could go out, she'd laughed and asked who he thought she had to go out with.

Ethan had smiled on the video chat. "Mum, you know what you look like right? Could date any man you wanted."

Her brain said Harry and she cringed visibly and was thankful the feed had just froze. "Says you! You're my son, supposed to think I'm pretty, like I think you are the handsomest lad around."