Dear Evan Hansen

Anybody have a map?

Okay, so I may have purposefully jumped out a tree and failed what I intended to do, but the truth is: I'm glad I only came out with a broken arm because otherwise nothing would've happen the way it did. The Connor Project would never have been successful and there wouldn't even be a story to tell. 

I take you all know the story of Dear Evan Hansen but let me tell you now this one is slightly different! It may start off the same but it will gradually become something different.

As you know from the original story, I have social anxiety and so I struggle with what a lot of other people would just call normal, but for me to even be able to step outside my house onto the street can be a massive achievement for me some days. 

I'm going to take you back to the beginning of my story. Yes it starts the same way as the show but it does eventually change I promise!

Does anybody have a map?

Okay so I wake up to my mum asking about the letters my doctor instructed me to write to myself. I've started one but I juts can't find the motivation to get any further. 

Can we try to have an optimistic outlook, huh? Can we buck up just enough to see the world won't fall apart? Maybe this year we decide, we're not giving up before we've tried. This year we make a new start.

Another stumble as I'm reaching for the right thing to say. I'm kinda coming up empty can't find my way to you...

Does anybody have a map? Anybody maybe happen to know how the hell to do this? I din't know if you can tell but this is me just pretending to know. So where's the map? I need a clue 'cause the scary truth is: I'm flying blind, and I'm making this up as I go.

Now as I later found out I wasn't the only one with a mother that felt like this. As we will find out later in this story Conner's mum was struggling to know what to do with him

Another masterful attempt ends with disaster. Pour another cup of coffee and watch it all crash and burn. It's a puzzle, it's a maze. I try to steer through it  a million way but each day's another wrong turn.

Does anybody have a map? Anybody maybe happen to know how the hell to do this? I din't know if you can tell but this is me just pretending to know. So where's the map? I need a clue 'cause the scary truth is: I'm flying blind, I'm flying blind, I'm flying bling and I'm making this up as I go, as I go.

I eventually gave in and agreed to go to school. I felt kinda bad for my mum, I know she hates seeing me like this and just wants me to be able to enjoy life but I can see the pain cross her face every time she sees me. I hate knowing that she is trying to put on a brave face for me and pretend she knows what she's doing when actually she has no clue. I really wish I wasn't like this and that we could just go out like any other family but instead I am trapped.