The Water Woman

Weird Feelings

I'm on the team. I was on the list. I saw Ms. Blue-Eyes in her truck today at the crosswalk. She noticed me but didn't wave. She glanced and returned her focus to the road.

I had first period with her too. Someone told me to shut up after I told him to quiet down a little. She jumped in and told the guy to stop being a hypocrite and take his own advice. Everyone gasped at her, including me. She was pretty quiet in that class so everyone was surprised when she spoke up. I've noticed something strange. I know she pays attention in conversations with friends because she'll actively listen. When she tries to say something and the other person cuts her off she gets this weird look in her eye. It's annoyance mixed with something else. She rarely ends up in this situation because she hardly speaks. She's got brains, she speaks English perfectly. I can't imagine why she wouldn't speak. It's almost as if her mouth has been weathered closed with many failed attempts at interaction. She's not that reserved she's just quiet.

She's always got something important to say but she either can't and/or won't say it. People would learn so much more about her if they would listen.

Do you remember that emotion I talked about? The one that mixed with annoyance? I know what it is now. Longing. Hope that someday things will be different. I recognized that emotion in my own face. We hope for different things but we both ache for something.

After class I went up to her in the hallway and said, "You didn't try out for the swim team."

"No," she said, "I didn't."

"Why not?"

"I didn't want to. I'm a sophomore and I want to swim for myself more than for victories and championships."

"Why did you go?"

"The coach wanted me to put the other swimmers to shame."

"Why?"

"To show what they should do. I don't really know."

I fell silent. She tried to get around me but we ended up getting in one of those "situations". You know, the ones where neither person can decide which way to go so you just end up in this weird trap where you slowly end up inching closer to the other person because you're trying to get around them. Yeah, those. They can last for eternity. My record's 2 minutes. This felt like way longer. We ended up really close and just stopping. Her ears turned red and my face got hot.

"Um. I'll go this way," I said.

"Okay," she said.

We tried to go around each other again but she went in the direction I was pointing. We ended up even closer together.

"Okay. Take three," she said. I went in the same direction and she went in the other. We awkwardly said bye to each other and carried on to our next class. Which we had together. I went the wrong way. So that could've all been avoided. I saw her hold back a smile when she saw me walk in late. In my last entry I was mad that she kept popping up in my life but I think I'm just scared that she'll find out about my mess of a family. I don't want her to know. I don't want anyone to know. I want my limited happiness to remain intact.

I can't explain how she makes me feel. I learned her name today. It's beautiful, like everything else about her. (Writer's note: I wanted to put a line through the second part of the previous sentence so that it would look like Birch had tried to scratch it out but Wattpad doesn't have that option so please use your imagination to put a line through that.) Her name is Sage. Sage Ember JoAnn Glasman. I don't know why she's got two middle names. I guess she got stuck with the family names. She said she liked my name. This is probably the first time that I firmly believed that the person who said they liked my name was truthful.

I also ate lunch with the two guys that wanted me to settle their bet. Their names Michael and Leo. They were dating. I felt a little intrusive so I asked them why they invited me to sit with them. They said they wanted to meet new people and that I seemed interesting. I had fun at lunch and they seemed nice enough so I didn't leave or ask any more questions.

I'm at home now. Cooper is asleep. Sage and I ran again. It was like the time before. Perfect. Only smiles and laughter. No pain. No suffering. No problems. I still feel weird about her. These feelings are coming to quickly and easily and I don't even know what they are. I'm so confused.

Oh, Ms. Schultz called again.

"Hello?" she said. "Is this Mrs. Jones?"

"No," I replied bluntly.

"I just wanted to tell you that you were right, Birch. He stays quite still when he reads."

"He just needs something to do. For some reason, he's afraid of the feeling of not accomplishing anything."

"I still think you should get him diagnosed."

"Ma'am... I already told you no."

"Where's your mother? I want her opinion."

"No."

"Birch."

"She's at work."

"Still? When does she come home?"

"Late."

"Birch, I heard you got in trouble for fighting on your second day of school. I don't think you should have a say in what happens to Cooper."

"Oh, that makes sense. So a stranger should?"

"Birch, I-"

"No. I've had this conversation with you before. No."

"You can't keep shielding him from what could be a serious condition!"

"I'm shielding his hope, Ms. Schultz! And if you've got a problem with that take it up with me! Not my mom! Not Cooper!"

"Birch, I'm trying to help."

"That's the same thing the doctors said to me at the hospital when I shoved them away the night my dad died. I understand death. I understand the risk. I'll take him in some day to get it diagnosed but today... today... tomorrow... it isn't the right time."

I hung up on her.