Nerd?

Chapter 8

I've been here for a month now, Alex and Amber went back to school yesterday, and I hadn't lost as much weight as I was hopping to. I weigh 80kgs. So I lost around 14kgs in one month, every second of this month I have been working out and eating a Strict diet Alex had planned for me, no cheat days. I've even been takin vitamins and pills that help with my digestive system.

Tears were looking down my face. I hate myself. I really hate myself. My father had to salty an extra week on his Business trip, so I really am wondering if it's because of me.

I thought I would of had Kim Kardashian's body by now. I thought I would be able to go back and laugh at everyone's faces when they saw the new and Improved me.

But no. I'm still fat.
My butt and boobs are shaping and my belly and legs have gone down. But not enough. Alex said it may take a bit longer than expected. So now I was crying alone in the house. Valerie, who I still hate had gone out earlier this morning to get groceries but she's been away for while now. Alex and Amber are at school now and it's only 10:30. I had done my basic worm up exercises, then broke down into tears when I realised I had so much more to do.

I don't think I was ready to go home anyway.
My mother has said nothing about my Disappearance, and nether had anyone else I knew.
But that was to be expected.

If it was to be expected then why dose my chest hurt so much? Maybe it because I had hoped, that deep down they really didn't hate me.
Why do they hate me?
More tears rolled down my face. Is it cause I'm not pretty? Not smart enough? Not skinny?
I could feel my old self slip through.

I needed the pain to be anywhere else, just not my heart. My heart has had to much pain already.

I grab my duffle bag from under my bed. I retrieved the only thing that I had left in it.

A black heart shaped box.

Walking into the bathroom, I slowly remove the lid and sit against the wall. On my wrist the old lines were faint.

No, I can't do this. I promised myself never again. I close the box, feeling the pain in my heart again.
I hated this pain. This pain has been with me for most of my life. But I guess it's with everyone else to.
Some people are just more Acquainted with it, than others.
I was damaged, I know that. But I can fix myself. I can. I Persuaded myself.

I steered at the blade in the box.
Becky's words came flooding back in to my mind, haunting it. Jabbing it with knives, and burning my heart more than it already was.
Dillon. You don't belong on this earth. Your to fat and ugly. Your useless. Can't you hear them? There asking you to leave. There asking for you to do us all a favour and leave.

I had to take the pain away from my chest. Anywhere but there.
I took the blade out and slid it quickly along my thigh, where no one would find it.
The pain was still in my chest.
I slid another cut next to the one I just made, this time deeper. The pain on my thigh finally over powered the one in my heart.
I mopped up the blood that had spilled onto the floor and down my leg. I bandaged my cut, so I wouldn't get blood on my clothes.

"Hey, Dillon? Are you ok-" I spun around fast, my eyes wide and dare fulled. Someone saw!
"I-I" I couldn't finish the sentence. Harry, the guy that picked me up the first time I was here was standing at the door. Steering at the plaster on my fat legs.
I finally snapped out of it. "Hi" I said, trying to act casual, "you should try knocking sometime" I faked a laugh at the end. Me and Harry had grown close this past month. And I think, just maybe, that I like him.
"Dillon, were close enough for me to tell when your hiding something" he said worriedly, "please don't tell me you cut yourself" he begged looking at the blade in my hand.
I didn't say anything.
"Dillon no" he said coming up to me and giving me a hug. I didn't say anything, I couldn't say anything. I just stood there in my arms. I should have checked the door. I should have made sure it was locked.
He. This wouldn't have happened.
"Why?" He asked pulling back and looking at my eyes.
Isn't it obvious. I'm fat, ugly and useless. I can't do anything right.