Never Enough

Caught

"What the hell Theresa!" I spat, trying to hide the fear of getting caught from my voice.

Theresa is staring behind me and is looking at the toilet I just soiled. "Are...are you okay Emma?" She asked, a look of concern spread across her face.

"I'm fine I just ate too much this morning," I try to say as casually and calmly as possible as to not cause any more concern from her.

"But Emma it sounded like you were making yourself puke," she says, following me over to the sinks.

"I ate too much and my stomach hurt so I thought I had food poisoning," I lie while quickly squirting soap on my hands.

"Emma you shouldn't do that it's bad," I hear her say from behind me.

"Shut up," I say without bothering to hide my immense annoyance for her.

"But Emma- I want to make sure you're okay," she stammers.

I dry my hands off on my jeans and spin around, placing my hands on her shoulders. "You are making a big deal out of nothing," I say calmly. "I'm fine I was just a little sick."

"I can help you get help," she tells me. "Help with what?" I respond trying to make myself look clueless.

I hear her sigh before she waves my hands away from her shoulders. "If you need anything, anything at all..."

"I'm fine," I cut her off with a fake smile plastered on my face. A pang of guilt washes over me as I remember the bad things I thought of her.

She lowers her head to the ground in defeat then turns around and pulls on the bathroom door, seeing her way out.

I let out a loud sigh of relief and feel my heart beat quicken. She definitely knew what was going on.

I turn the faucet and begin splashing cold water on my face to get rid of the redness.

As I walk back to class I feel a familiar fear spread through my body. It's the same fear I felt when my mom first caught me with my finger down my throat.

I try to squeeze all of my facial muscles in an attempt to stop the hot tears that I know will soon be running down my cheeks.

By the time I reach my classroom door I have calmed down more. I take a deep breathe then turn the doorknob before rushing inside.

Thank god the substitute is playing a video on the smart board so everyone's eyes are glued to the screen instead of me as I make my way down the aisles and into my seat.

I sit down next to Cameron and try to figure out what the video is about to calm me down.

Just as I'm making sense on how it's about the immune system and I'm watching the tiny microbes, a loud speaker announcement interrupts my focus- "EMMA MAYES TO THE GUIDANCE COUNSELOR, EMMA MAYES TO THE GUIDANCE COUNSELOR." Fuck.