Memoir of Summer [Editing]

Chapter 6

The whole time, Summer was so silent. Ilang ulit na akong nagpahiwatig na mag open up siya sa akin pero parang wala siyang naririnig. Nakatunganga lang siya sa kawalan. Kaya mas pinili ko na lang din na manahimik. If she's not willing to tell it to me yet, then it's fine. I am willing to wait. I don't care how long it will take her. What does matter right now is that we are together.

Nakaupo ako habang siya naman ay nakahiga patagilid sa maalikabok na kamang ito. I was caressing her hair so gently, hoping that it would calm her no matter what chaos she was experiencing inside.

"Umuwi ka na," mahina niyang bigkas.

"W-what?"

Napaayos ako ng upo nang umupo na rin siya at nasa akin ang dalawang pares ng mata niya. It was no longer the pair of eyes that I've seen eversince. It lost its sparks, at tanging kalungkutan na lang ang masasalamin rito.

"ANG SABI KO UMUWI KA NA!"

I was taken aback with her shout. I tried to reach out for her pero lumayo lang siya.

"Summer," malumanay na tawag ko sa kaniya. Nakatingin lang siya sa akin with those pair of sad eyes. Nanginginig ang labi niya, tanda na nagpipigil lang siya ng iyak.

Ano ba talaga ang buong storya? Ano ba ang nalaman niya na nagpasakit sa kalooban niya ng ganito?

"Summer please, if you can't open up it with me right now then don't. I just want you to remember that I will be here for you... always," pang-aamo ko sa kaniya.

Her face softened for a moment. Tumayo ako at naglakad patungo sa paanan niya. I couldn't explain why my heart was so heavy. It seemed like it could feel the pain Summer was bearing. It felt as if I was stabbed with something sharp. Pabaon ng pabaon sa kalamnan ko sa tuwing nasisilayan ko ang malungkot na pares ng mata ni Summer. I haven't felt this kind of pain ever since I was born. It was painful physically and emotionally, pero kahit gano'n ay hindi ko pinahalata sa kaniya ang iniinda ko.
I don't care about what the fuck I feel right now, she's more important.

"Summer, I love you."

There, after years, I have said it! Hindi ko alam, it just slipped in my mouth. Kahit ako man ay gulat din.

Summer was stunned. I was waiting, hoping for something. Ang bilis nang tibok ng puso ko. Mas kinakabahan pa ako sa magiging reaksyon niya kaysa noong mag-attend ako ng entrance exam. Anytime, my heart would pop out of my body. Namuo ang pag-asa sa kalooban ko nang makita ko ang pagliwanag ng mukha niya. Pero unti-unting gumuho ang mundo ko, kasabay nang pagbaon ng sakit na kanina ko pa iniinda nang naglakad palayo sa akin si Summer.

"H-hindi, nagkakamali ka lang. U-umalis ka na."

"Summer." Naglakad ulit ako palapit sa kaniya, pero napahinto ako nang iharang niya ang mga kamay sa akin.

"H-huwag kang lalapit. Umalis ka na! H-hindi kita k-kailangan!"

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig.

"H-hindi... H-hindi kita gusto."

Umiling ako.

"Hindi. Naguguluhan ka lang Summer." Pangungumbinsi ko, pero hindi ako sigurado kung para ba sa kaniya o para sa akin. My mind couldn't comprehend it, and my heart couldn't accept it.

Lumapit ako ng isang hakbang, pero gayundin ang paglayo niya. Fuck it! It hurts! Kinusot ko ang magkabilang mata ko, pero hindi ko na nagawang pigilan ang mga luha ko. Damn, it is so fucking gay!

I looked up and pinched the bridge of my nose. I inhaled, pagkatapos kumalma ay tiningnan ko siya. Her face was hard. Nothing was written on it. Mas lalo akong nasasaktan sa nakikita ko sa kaniya. Damn it! Kung alam ko lang na ganito, hindi na sana ako umamin ng wala sa oras.

"Summer, what wrong have I done?" Basag ang boses na wika ko sa kaniya.

"Please Summer, just give me one chance. I promise, I will do everything.  I will give you everything... even my life."

This is not what I imagined that is going to happen when I confess my feeling. I was dreaming of a place full of roses with lighted candles around the place and a well-decorated table in the center, along with an orchestra playing a romantic music for that wonderful night. I was dreaming of a sweet kiss we would share after my confession. I was dreaming foolishly of it with a smile every night, and it was so fucking gay. Hindi lang naman ang mga babae ang marunong mangarap ng ganito, at kiligin ng ganito. Pero nahihibang nga lang siguro ako. I should have differentiated reality from fantasy.

"Umuwi ka na," walang buhay na sabi nito. So I was rejected, wasn't I? Does it mean the end? For the record, I wasn't even starting.

Yumuko ako at hinayan ang mga luha ko na pumatak. I should have anticipated for it, baka sakaling hindi ako nasasaktan ng sobra-sobra ngayon. Ah hindi, I should have stopped this feeling from blooming in the first place. Sana mas tinandaan ko na 'pag kaibigan, kaibigan lang. How foolish of me to think that we could be more than that, when circumstances are displayed clearly infront of me? She's not just a friend, she's a spirit too. So how can we be together when she may be an arm length away, but we are more than a thousands miles apart? Natatawa ako sa sariling katangahan.

I looked at her, hoping for the last time. Pero hindi na nga sigurong dapat na umasa pa ako. I breathed to calm my nerves, then I nodded.

"Siguro nga, hindi kita maaring mahalin," I said those as I stared at her coldly. After that, I walked out.

You, both, are not just miles away, but a world apart. Tandaan mo 'yan, Maven.