BURDEN ✔

[Chapter 21]

Seokjin fiddled with the corner of the blanket that draped over his feet, staring at his sweater paws in silent. Namjoon found out earlier that Seokjin had a slight fever when the eldest told him that the water was cold, but for Namjoon, it was warm.

Jungkook sat on his left and Taehyung on his right, both of them were looking at the eldest's crooked fingers without saying anything. Hoseok sat on the other couch in front of Taehyung with Yoongi, while Jimin sat on the single couch across Hoseok, and Namjoon sat beside him on the arm rest.

The room was silent since Seokjin came into the living room ten minutes ago. None of them saying anything, didn't know where to start. It was safe to say that they were still a bit shocked after finding Seokjin in his previous state.

Hoseok looked at Seokjin as the boy sniffled and rubbed his nose. Seokjin knew that he had a fever and it sucked because his head is starting to pound.

"Hyungie," Hoseok called him softly. Seokjin looked up, feeling a bit relief that he wasn't the one who had to talk first.

"Is there something that you wanted to tell us?" Hoseok asked again, his gaze softening.

Seokjin sighed and lowered his head, "I don't know."

Seokjin wasn't lying. He didn't know what he wanted to tell his band members since he had been hiding everything from them.

Namjoon decided to change the question, "hyung, is there anything you want us to do?"

Seokjin looked up at met the leader's eyes, wasn't quite expecting the question.

Seokjin shook his head again and lowered it. He didn't know what he wanted, everything was so confusing for him. He knew that he needed help, he knew that he wanted to be happy again, to be able to smile a genuine smile again, to be able to laugh and joke around with his band members without hiding anything, but he doesn't know how to say it. It was so hard for him to even form a word, let alone a sentence. He doesn't know where to begin, but he also doesn't want to tell his members. He felt like he doesn't deserve their help.

"Hyung, you were starting to get better," Taehyung told him, placing his hand on Seokjin's lower back. Seokjin sighed and closed his eyes tightly.

"It's hard," Seokjin finally spoke up, "I...I don't know where to start. I...I can't say it."

The others went silent, watching their eldest hyung fiddle with the blanket edge on his lap.

"Hyung," Namjoon called him softly, and smiled when Seokjin looked up into his eyes, "you know that we want to help you, right? But there's nothing we can do if you don't tell us."

Seokjin nodded. He was incredibly aware about that, but still, words were hard to find in that moment. Seokjin looked down on his lap, sighing deeply.

"Do you want us to help you, hyung?" Yoongi asked and Seokjin nodded his head, "then how about, we're gonna ask you some questions, then you answer it?"

Seokjin thought about the idea and nodded. It was easier that way, so he didn't have to think where he should begin to tell them.

"Hyung, why did you leave the dorm?" Yoongi asked the first question.

"I...uh...," Seokjin stopped to find the right words, "I-I...uh...I feel like I h-held you guys back."

Yoongi frowned, "what makes you think that you're holding us back?"

Seokjin fiddled his fingers, nervousness started to crawling up his feet and he could see his hand shaking slightly, "I...uh...the s-schedule...t-the schedule were...uh...p-postponed b-because of me," he continued, shutting his eyes tightly, "you...uhm...it was...uh...I feel like...uhm...you're always a-afraid to do anything, afraid that...uh...s-somehow...you would h-hurt me," he gulped sweat forming on his forehead, "and...a-and the panic attacks...I...I bother you guys w-with it."