BURDEN ✔

[Chapter 8]

Seokjin couldn't sleep. Even after laying on his bed since three hours ago, he couldn't sleep.

The quarrel between Yoongi, Namjoon and Hoseok kept on replaying inside his mind, made him feel extremely guilty. He wanted his members to forget it, and believe that he would get better sooner or later, but things didn't always work the way we want.

A side of him kept on telling him that his members need to know what happened, but the other side told the opposite. What if the others feel disgusted at him? What if they hate him? What if they blame him? What if they kick him out of the band? What if-

A crack from his bedroom door disturbed his long train of thoughts, and he quickly turned to his side, his back is facing the door, and pretended to sleep. He could hear Yoongi's long and heavy sigh, a door being closed, and footsteps that approached him slowly.

His bed dipped behind him, and his body tensed a little when he felt Yoongi's laying behind him.

"Fuck you, hyung."

Yoongi's voice somehow didn't show any anger, instead it sounds so gloomy and full of concern.

"What shit have you been hiding from us?"

Yoongi let out a heavy breathe, and punched the bed softly, trying to let out his anger and concern without waking up his oldest hyung.

"Does any of us meant anything to you? Why don't you trust in us anymore? You used to be the expressive hyung who would always tell us about his problem, and wouldn't afraid to ask for help. But why now...why do you keep it all to yourself?!"

Yoongi forgot to lowered his voice and Seokjin slightly flinched at his words and voice, hoping that Yoongi didn't notice it.

"We want to help you, hyung. You always helped us, you were always there for us, you took care of us so fucking well, so let us help you, hyung. Just let us. Dammit, why is it so hard?! What are you so afraid of?!"

Yoongi rubbed his face in frustation and sighed loudly.

"Why, hyung? It's simple, right? Why don't you tell us like you did before? Why is it suddenly so hard for you? Why hyung? How bad is it? How bad and horrible is it, until it can shut your mouth tightly like this?"

Angry tears finally fell down from Yoongi's eyes and he sniffled, rubbing his nose with his sleeve harshly.

"Okay, I get it that you didn't want to make us worry, but did you ever think that you were worrying us even more just by hiding your problems from us when it's clear that whatever your problem is, it is destroying you? D-did you ever think about that hyung?" Yoongi took a deep breath, trying to steady his voice. "D-did you even notice that Taehyung and Jungkook aren't their usual happy and hyper self? Did you even notice that H-Hoseok is losing his positivity? Did y-you even notice the sad look and the teary eyes of J-Jimin every time he look at you? D-did you even notice how hard Namjoon holding his e-emotion and your problem in front of us j-just to keep your trust on h-him?"

Yoongi let out a small sob that breaking the older's heart.

"D-did you even notice that I-I barely sleep and produce any song j-just because you scared the shit out of me? Hell, I-I couldn't even look at you w-without feeling guilty because we couldn't make you t-trust us enough to tell us your p-problem."

Seokjin closed his eyes tightly as a single tear ran down his face to the pillow beneath him.

"P-please hyung-" Yoongi choked as he tried to hold back his sobs. "P-please let us h-help you."

A heavy blanket of guilt fell hard over him as he listened to the broken and desperate tone of Yoongi's voice. He wanted to embrace the younger in his arms, but he couldn't. He didn't want Yoongi to know that he's still awake , and hugging the younger might only made him give in and tell the younger about what really happened.