0 7 | G O N E
benjamin
its been weeks; one and a half month now since i last saw and talked to victoria. i tried to call and text her, iMessage her, dm her on twitter and instagram, and even on messenger every single day but she doesn't respond. so are her brothers.
did she left me? i hope she doesn't. i hope this is just inside my head; a thought that pops out in the middle of nowhere. i hope she's not mad. i hope she's doing okay. i hope this is just a nightmare. a scary nightmare.
i hope she comes back, back into my arms. i've been longing for her maldita attitude, her messy waved hair, her beautiful dark blue eyes, her heartwarming smile; i've been longing for her presence.
i go to their house every single day; before and after i go to school. i'd usually pass by their house and ring the doorbell, hoping someone will open their gate for me, hoping that she would open the gate and wrap her arms around me before.
i just want her back.
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"you've been spacing out lately, bro bro. what's up?" hannah sat beside me on our kitchen counter. i sigh, staring at the glass of beer i'm holding. ever since she was gone, i'd drink beer once or thrice a week. i've never drank beer that much in a week nor months.
"i miss her, hans." i close my eyes, and i can feel hannah is frowning. "her? which her? isabele or eva?" she asks and i open my eyes again, drinking straight the glass of alcohol.
"williams," i say, it's been quite while since i last heard their surname. hannah nods, staring at the glass i am holding. "you know, alcohol won't help you. this'll just make you addict, that's not healthy." she grabs the glass and placed it away from me, also the bottle johnny walker infront of me.
"if i just know where is she right now, i would. but i am telling you, she's not okay." she tells me and i shot my eyes up on my sister. i knitted my brows, "what do you mean she's not okay?"
she shrugs, standing up. "figure it out by yourself, benjamin. you'll know why," she tells me before leaving me alone in the kitchen. i'm used on being alone, though. since she's been gone, i feel alone even though i'm surrounded by hundreds of people.
she completes me.
i went back to my room and lie down on my bed, staring at the ceiling. i can't remember much about what happened that night. the last thing i know was she slept with me that night.
i close my eyes and tried to remember what did i do that night. i remember wrapping my arm around her and pulling her close to me, admitting her that i love her.. she asks me if i still do and i said yes. yes, i do love isabele that time.
wait, wait, wait. i said isabele's name instead of her's! stupid benj.
yes, i still do love isabele that time but that's it. i have feelings for victoria since we went to paris until my love for her bloomed. i didn't realize she loves me since then. and she thought i'm not over my ex-girlfriend. shoot.
i quickly jumped out of my bed and leave my room. i need to talk to her. she needs to know the truth; that i've finally moved on to isabele that time, that i miss her so much, that it was my mistake. i need to tell her that i love her.
"where are you going, benj?"
i stop when look over my shoulder to see hannah, "i'm finding victoria. i need to talk to her," i tell my sister and her face dropped. she let out a breath, "you need to read this first, might change your mind after reading this."
she hands me a paper with her handwriting on it. it says, "this is for you, benjamin."
i grab the paper and unfold it, reading the letter she wrote before she was gone.
to my fake boyfriend,
i need to tell you that i am cutting my communications with you; from my number to my instagram account. and also, you need to know that i love you. since we went to new york for christmas, i knew i love you back then. but you've never felt the same way; you never will. because you still love isabele, your ex-girlfriend, who's happy with her new boyfriend now. let me tell you this, benjamin, move on. not to love me but this is for your own good. i know it sucks that someone you really love doesn't feel the same way anymore but it more sucks when it's been a long time ago and you haven't moved on to them.
also, i need to tell you that i'm ill. i have a stage 3 stomach cancer, and i'm near to the last stage. it doesn't look like i have one–even though i know you noticed i grew thin these weeks– because i'm way good at pretending and hiding stuff from you, i don't know if you deserve to know my health status though. you're not even my real boyfriend. you will never, because you still love her and i don't have a place in your heart.
you won't ever see me again, benjamin. we should call this relationship off. i know, i'm so impossible. but this relationship? this is more impossible than we can think of.
— ☁️ —
oh wow shister shookt :o
finale is up next oof get ready y'all hehe
clicking vote and leaving a comment would mean a lot to me!!
i luv u guys sm xx
