Poems of life's Ups And Downs

At least I'll try

Hands behind my back as  I  study your face, clear of any expression of my own.  Pure shock written across your features as you list all of my faults as if you were the one being persecuted.
I look to the floor before smiling with a grin wider than the room itself as if I were proud of my doings.   You describe me as a villain so precisely that if anyone saw,they'd almost swear you're right.
You play the victim so well,  even I almost believed you were innocent.  Such a shame you broke the act when it mattered most.
Seventy two years of such an impressive display.  People pay good money for that kind of acting, you know?  Too bad it's left you with the tab,only to be paid off with regrets and loneliness.  Such a long life of so many short comings. It must be infuriating,  no?
On the brightside at least it will be over soon.  You won't have time to sit in and see the mess you've made us walk through. It's up to us to clear the wreckage of your doings.  Honestly, I don't mind too much since you're condemned to yourself.
Nobody to hurt other than yourself. You've alienated your only sibling,  Outcasted your only child,  legally stolen four children who now shun you in return of your treatment,  warded away the only man to ever truly love you,  and failed in an attempt to redeem yourself in the eyes of your peers.
I understand that you're so much older than myself but I can't help but see myself in you.  Creating and destroying as we see fit.  Building and breaking the spirits of those who surround us with nothing but love and devotion.
It makes me wonder about what's to become of me the day I finally reach your age, if I were to live that long.
Am I to be left alone in the cold without a person or friend by my side?  I truly hope I am better than you were. 
Matriarch to be versus matriarch has been.  You brought the family together for a single goal.  To take you down and make you atone for your deeds.  You've done your job well in the case of pulling us into a single division.  Was that the goal or just coincidence?
To be so terrible, that the family drops their petty feuds to go against you?  No matter.  You've scarred and marked us all in ways nobody will ever know . If it were the plan,  kudos to you.  If it was aftermath of another,  I suppose I'm not meant to know.
I'm next in line,  you know?  I'm afraid of what to do or say.  I can't reverse the damage you've done or bring them together by peaceful means.  What have I been set up for?  Never have I been a leader,  never can I be a leader.  Tell me what to do!  Guide me as you should've years ago!  Do not die and leave me to take the place I can't see, let alone stand in ! I'm not made to be a leader.  Yet my Papa and brother look to me as if they're waiting.  Are they waiting for me to rise to the title?  Or are they waiting to watch me crumble?
I know the monster I can be.  I don't wish to be them, but I can't help but think I'll be like you if I'm allowed.  If I get power I'll become overwhelmed and abuse it.  If I continue to deny it,  soon the weight of the responsibility and past will crush me. 
The smile I bear is set into my flesh as I return my gaze to you.  Thank you grandmother.  I will learn from this.  Is all I say aloud before taking my leave. 
I will not be like you.  I will learn and I will thrive.  I will carry the family ahead of myself as we take the storm in stride. 
I cannot please everyone. 
I cannot be what I'm fully expected to be.
I cannot amount to the greatness of my predecessors.
But
I will be fair.
I will do what is necessary .
And I will not be you.