Personal Nothings

1.

1. crush

My heart was racing. Madly.

"What's wrong, Peter? You look so red." Ethan said from beside me as we stuffed ourselves with sandwiches. I looked up and saw his brown eyes gleaming in wonder and I felt a huge wave of embarrassment wash over me as he stared into my eyes. I looked away and continued to munch on my food, leaving him dumbfounded.

"Hey! You didn't answer my question, idiot," he told me when a minute of silence passed. I munched the last bits of my sandwich before facing him and said, "It's nothing, I think it's just because of the heat." Ethan sighed in relief then went back to eating his sandwich.

"That's good. I actually thought you were sick or something."

I felt my face go hot. Extremely hot.

I stood and bolted for the nearest entrance towards our next class. Having lunch with Ethan was so embarrassing, especially the fact that I fancy him so so much makes the experience more unbearable.

"Lunch with Ethan, eh?" I looked around the room I entered and saw Marjorie inside already, a playful smile rested on her face. "You're blushing madly right now, you know that?"

I straightened up. "I-It's not what you think...! It's just the heat! The heat!" I defended and she sighed. "Sure thing, Peter. Sure," she said and began to fix her things for class. I heaved a groan then zoomed to take a seat beside her. "You can never tell him, Marge. I'll be signing up for my death sentence once it gets out."

"Why are you being cowardly about this, Peter? You've liked him ever since you transferred here and it's already our final year before we move to uni! Are you still going to hide this crush of yours?" she said in a fierce voice. "Someday, Ethan is going to go somewhere, meet a pretty lass and the next thing you know, you'll be invited to their wedding and you'd end up never telling him how you feel! When's the best time but now?"

"Well, it's already more of a crush now," I said timidly. "But, I'm scared that we'll stop being friends because of my feelings getting in the way!"

"It won't stop. Trust me on this, Peter. You are going to be fine. Now, there's a house party at Gilbert's place tonight and Ethan will be there, okay?"

I stared helplessly at my best friend. Marjorie was helpful, but I'm scared at what'll happen. Being friends with Ethan is great but I do admit that I'd want to be more than that.

Fuck it.

Upbeat music blasted from the speakers. The living room was a blur as everyone crowded in it, dancing and animatedly talking at a random. I still couldn't spot Marjorie and Ethan despite bumping into some of my classmates which was weird since where there was a crowd, those two would always be there.

"Peter! Hey, Peter!" I turned around and saw Marjorie calling out to me. She and Ethan were standing by the fireplace and were holding red solo cups. I approached them and meekly waved, secretly admiring Ethan's attire and Marjorie's red nose.

"We were looking for you," Marjorie said before taking my wrist and leading me to the punch bowl. "Their punch is spiked but maybe that's why the call it "punch"," she joked and I gave her a pointed look but ended up chuckling at the joke. "Just give me some of that and pass me crisps," I told her and she obliged. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Ethan talking to a girl and for some reason, I felt a sharp stab on my chest but I brushed it away.

The mission can come later. For now, I'd like to enjoy myself.

The rest of the night passed by in a blur and the next thing I knew, I was on the borderline of sober and drunk.

"Ethan, take Peter into the guestroom. I'll bring him home later," Marjorie told Ethan. They both hovered over me as I sat on the couch; beside me, a couple snogging and eating each other's faces out as if no one was there. I swayed her off and tried (at least) to sit up straight. "No no, it's fine! I can get home by myself," I slurred. I stood and felt myself almost toppling forward until someone caught me.

"I'll take him home, Marjorie. Where does he live?" Ethan said from beside me as he tried to hold me up. I felt myself smiling stupidly as Marjorie gave him the directions going to my house and in a flash, we were already out on the streets walking.

The night was cold, but the alcohol kept me slightly warm. Ethan had my arm slung over his shoulder as we walked so that I wouldn't fall over. Silence engulfed us and only our footsteps were heard as we walked down the pavement. Ethan slowly approached a bench and sat me down on it before he took a seat himself and sunk down beside me.

"Can you still walk, Peter?" he asked and I shook my head. Admittedly, I was tired and the alcohol was really getting to me. Ethan sighed and we sat in silence for a while before he broke it.

"Do you have something to say to me?" he asked me and I looked at him. He was gently smiling and my eyes widened at the gesture. "How can you even say that I have something to say?" I asked him and he smiled as if remembering something.

"You clench your hands open and close whenever you try to say something. Even in class," he told me. I really didn't notice that until I looked at my hands and saw that they were indeed clenched. I pinched the bridge of my nose, a good headache slowly coming along.

I had to act fast if I wanted to get my feelings across.

I faced Ethan and mustered every courage I had left in me and said the words I've been wanting to say.

"I like you, Ethan. A lot."

Ethan blinked. Then, without warning, he laughed that beautiful laugh of his and smiled warmly. "Marjorie was right. You're really cute when you blush, y'know that?"

My eyes widened. Ethan took my hand and held it close to his heart before placing a gentle kiss on it. "I like you very much too, Peter. I don't even understand why you waited for so long to tell me when I've been wanting you to tell me all this time."

Crush. What a strong word.

But what a beautiful one it is, too.

(灬╹ω╹灬) - please leave a comment on what should i write next or what can i improve here! also, don't forget to vote!

much love, sam.