~The Têachers Pēt~bõyxbõy

The Têachers Pēt~Anger~10

Alexander's POV

Mad, upset, those simple words were too far fetched. All I saw marring Jay's handsome features was pure unadulterated anger.
I didn't know what to say. I couldn't think and my breathing may have stopped.
By the way he was angry you could safely assume that he was indeed definitely seething.
And even though I've seen people angry before, people who has made me so scared I'd think I was going to die; I shamefully had to admit that what I was feeling was absolutely different.
The anger that seeped from him and into my core made me feel... hot.
And no. It wasn't that heat emitting off his toned skin.
It was another kind of hot. One I felt deep down in my groin and all over my body.
My body shivered pleasurable. And I swear I would have moaned if I wasn't biting down on my tongue. I feared what his response to me so disgustingly turned on by the fact he's angry would do to me.
He would be repulsed by it.
I kept my head lowered on my lap and all but fought the urge to fling my self at him and tell him to feast.
To be honest, I was scared. But not terrified scared. Anxious scared. I didn't know what I did. And whatever I seemed to have done has been deemed wrong in his dreamy eyes and whatever he thought about me, I held dear to my heart so I was fighting the tears that were threatening to leave the sanctuary of my eyes at the thought of him being angry over something I had done. It was tearing at my heart.
After a few seconds of silence (that honestly felt like centuries), I felt movement and my breath hitch. I was already solemnly anticipating the beating I was going to get. Just like all those others that I've made angry.
"Alex", he said in a voice so calm it shocked me to think that he was still angry.
"Alex?"..."Alex look at me" I shook my head no. "Alex please" ...
No response.
"Alex dammit! Look At Me!!", he commanded.
With the tears threatening to fall, I slowly raise my head to look at him. My eyes staring into his.
"Alex, why did you say what you said?"
I opened my mouth to respond but no sound came out. So I just shook my head again instead.
"I'm not going to ask you again. Tell me. Now!"
Trembling, I opened my mouth to speak. Fortunately words came out this time.
"I-I...d-did I d-do something w-wrong?" "...No. Its not that you did something wrong, its more like what you said was wrong. Why would you say that about yourself? And more so why did you think that's how I would feel? Do my feelings mean nothing to you Alex?"
"Nno! Its not like that! I didn't...I mean–I never...i-i'm sorry. Its just that George always told me that am worthless and..."
I slapped my hands over my mouth wide-eyed. Why did I say that? Now he'll hate me even more. That man was right. I am worthless and stupid.
It felt like heart just shattered. I didn't want to be hear anymore, I just wanted to cease to exist. The one person to ever look at me like I was there would no longer do that.
I was nothing. I would always be nothing and am would never come out to anything.
I hate my life.
The tears I was trying so hard to hold came rolling down my face. Each drop felt like an ice stick stabbing my heart a thousand times.
I never felt like this before. Through all the stuff I've been through, I've never once felt so-so useless.
A sob broke through my covered lips even though I tried my hardest to keep it in.
I kept my head down, the tears rolling off my face and falling on his pants.
I didn't want to look up. If I did, I felt like I would finally break.
Even though I've been used, battered and deformed, even though am pathetic, I've never been broken.
He was never able to break me.
But this man. Jay. I think he could.
I started crying harder.
That thought alone terrified me.

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I'm sorry it took so long. I don't have another chapter right now so this will have to suffice. Don't know when I'll be publishing another just please know that this is hard for me too. I'll do my best okay? Right. Enough of the sap. Just suck it up and wait. 😤

💜nuttyweird- 'Feelings are not what Humans are scared of the most, its the thoughts that comes with those feelings that have them acting towards it. Whether good or bad'