DAVE BLUETISTA
Roger that!
(daydreams)
MECHAREN GILLAN
Right there with you!
(doodles)
CHRIS PRATT
Sure thing!
(knits)
POM KLEMONTIEFF
You know, I probably shouldn't mention it at this critical moment, but I sense Josh is feeling tremendous grief! Grief, and loss! And regret! And I don't just mean "ooh I shouldn't have eaten that fifth taco" regret, this is like "I killed my daughter" regret.
CHRIS PRATT
GURK BLORK PENIS-BRAIN OVERRIDE! Fuck saving the universe, WHERE IS MY GIRLFRIEND YOU BASTAAAARRD
PRATT punches JOSH which disrupts POM which lets JOSH wake up and start WIPING THE FLOOR with everyone again! BENEDICT rewinds time 15 seconds and magically restrains Pratt and they win PICKS HIS NOSE while JOSH STABS ROBERT RIGHT SMACK DAB SQUARE IN THE vague part of his torso which contains nothing of importance.
BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH
Wait, Josh! If you spare that one person I’ll cave on our whole mission and give you the thing that you can use to kill half of all people!
JOSH SWOLLEN
Deal! And the best part is that there’s nothing suspicious about this whatsoever.
(takes Time Stone, leaves)
EXT. WAKANDA
Meanwhile the arrival of HEMSWORTH has turned the tide! MARK RUFFALO kills CGI TERRY with a rocket arm! ELIZABETH OLSEN kills CGI CARRIE by levitating her into a giant death yoyo thing! PURPAUL BETTANY kills CGI MICHAEL with his own spear!
CHRIS EVANS
Nicely done Purpaul. Ah, remember when superheroes would never kill anyone?
PURPAUL BETTANY
We don't trade lives, Captain. We TAKE them, sure, but no trading.
JOSH SWOLLEN
(teleporting in)
I hope everyone's got their shittin' pants on, because y'all are about to shit your pants!!
JOSH starts PLOWING THROUGH ALL THE GOOD GUYS, though EVANS manages to last almost three seconds because he is as strong as THE HULK suddenly.
ELIZABETH OLSEN
You're too late! I tragic-heroically blew up Purpaul to stop you.
JOSH SWOLLEN
Look, just because you idiots refuse to use the Time Stone every chance you get doesn't mean I have to.
JOSH rewinds time to UN-EXPLODE PURPAUL so he can RIP PURPAUL'S HEAD OPEN after PURPAUL spent the whole movie with a GIANT STOMACH WOUND and generally have just a SUPER GREAT A-1 FUCKING DAY.
JOSH SWOLLEN
At last, I have all six Stones! And I can relax now, because if there was some kind of all-powerful lightning god on the battlefield ready to kill me, then surely he wouldn’t have waited in the wings for the entire couple of minutes it took me to reach Purpaul and-
CHRIS HEMSWORTH
(axing Josh)
Shit! Sorry guys, I missed my cue. Better late than never, right?
