When we got to Ashton's house I didn't know what to expect. But he lived alone which I found odd and he lived really close to my house.
"You live alone?" I asked.
"Uh.. Yeah sorta." He shrugs.
I didn't reply as he opened the front door for me to step inside. The house looked and felt all cozy and warm. It smelt like cologne and it reminded me of Luke.
"Can I show you something?" Ashton takes me hand again. I nod and he leads me down a hallway to the last door. He opens the door and leads me inside. I look around and it's a bedroom. It has band posters on the walls and clothes strewn everywhere on the floor. I almost think it's Ashton's when I see a guitar leaning on the wall. The same guitar I got Luke for his 12th birthday. I rush over to it holding it in my arms.
"He had his own room here when things got rough at home."
"He left me there. He left me alone to fight off my parents alone."
"He didn't want to. He would always talk about you and how he wants to bring you here."
"Then why didn't he?" I was trying my best to keep it together but it felt nice talking to someone who knew Luke as well or maybe even better than I did.
"He didn't want you to know me or Calum or Michael for some reason. He said he didn't want you to fall in love with us."
I laugh. That sounded so like Luke. He was always trying to protect me when it came to boys.
"How often would he be here?" I ask.
"Almost everyday. He was my best friend Roni." He whispers.
I get up walking towards him.
"We can leave his stuff here if you want." I say. "I just need to grab one thing." I go to his closet and find my favorite sweatshirt he would always wear. It was plain black but it was really soft. I stuck my nose in it and inhaled. It still smelled exactly like him and I almost felt like he was going to jump out and tell me to put it back. But he didn't. We walked out of the room and closed the door behind us.
"He always told me he had a special place to hide his guitar from dad but I never thought it would be like this."
"Yeah well.." He sighs. He leads me into the living room and we sit on his couch. "Why did he have to hide it?" He asks.
"Our dad hated the fact that he wanted to pursue music for some reason. I got a pretty nasty bruise from when I got him the guitar."
"Wait he hit you guys?" He turns to me looking at me up and down.
"Uh yeah.. I thought you knew."
"No no. Uh Luke never told me why he just said things were bad."
I shake my head. "I always hated him for leaving and not getting in trouble. He would always treat me like I was his annoying younger sister when we are the same age. I never understood why he wouldn't just help me. I was the one who always got hit why didn't he help me." He grabs my hand holding it tight. "Ya know the last thing I said to him was I hate you. It's so cliche and I don't think I can ever forgive myself. Seeing the look on his face and then never seeing him again. It should have been me. I was the fuck up, the loner, he has friends, people love him. No one even knows who I am. Now I'm just the girl who's brother died."
"I'm your friend. And your Veronica Hemmings. The girl with blonde hair and really cool combat boots." He puts a piece of hair behind my ear. I laugh and squeeze his hand.
"Luke would kill me right now. Saying how I'm not old enough to date."
"He would bring home girls all the time!" Ashton exclaims.
"Yeah I know. He kinda doesn't understand the concept of twins."
"Guess not. But you do know he cared about you more than anyone right?"
"I guess so.. We were so close but sometimes I felt like he really didn't want me around."
"I'm not sure what Luke's logic was but I know for a fact you were his number one priority and he never meant to hurt you."
"He didn't deserve to die Ashton."
"Yeah.. I know." He scoots closer to me on the couch.
"It feels nice to talk to someone about this. Someone who understands ya know?" I say.
"Yeah it feels good to get it all out." I see him start to lean towards me and I quickly get up.
"Uh I better get home." I stutter.
"Yeah.. Uh I'll drive you." He scratches the back of his head.
"No no it's fine it's not that far."
"Seriously it's no trouble."
"I'm fine Ashton. I'm fine." I say and leave almost running out the door. No way am I getting involved with Luke's best friend. I continue down the road towards my house. I need to go back there soon and go through Luke's stuff there has got to be something that tells me what was going on in his head. I wasn't sure what I would find but I knew I needed closure and this was my last hope.
