Mostly Him

13

Oh, unlucky number 13. What made you that way?
What made me the way I am?
I have no idea, but it has lead to me to pain and happiness.
High school is winding down on its last days before I walk across a stage with some of my closest friends.
But the sad part is, it might be a long while till we see each other again.
How much suffering will we endure?
How much have we already endured?
I'm still struggling with my feelings.
For him.
For his personality.
For his smile.
For his ability to make me feel like no one else ever has.
Maybe one day someone will come along and make me feel that way again, but I don't want it to be him.
He has said he can't move on from her.
He has even started dating her again.
Pushed away his one of his closest friends for her.
But there is no doubt amoung our friends that his relationship with her will end.
The only doubts are about how it will end.
Some say when she gets tired of his ego.
Some say it will be because she cheats on him again.
But the cheating is only what we've heard, but some do not doubt she would do it.
So we will wait and see.
And I will try and help him with his pain.
I pray it doesn't make me slip.
I will probably still have feelings for him.
I am still moving on though.
That is what's important.
Moving on.
Maybe this 13 isn't unlucky.
Maybe my 13th chapter will be my lucky chapter.
Maybe it will carry me when I need it to.
Maybe it is the beginning of changes in my life.
We shall see, but for now I know a part of me still wants him to love me.
A part of me is still broken and crying for him.
A part of me still loves him.
Time will tell.