Mostly Him

9

Used.

That's all you feel.

Suffocating.

Broken down. He still loves another.

Why did you ever think he could love you?

She prettier than you. Smarter than you.

She has more in common with him.

No matter how many times you try to convince yourself that being jealous of her was pointless,

It was always there in the back of your mind.

She broke his heart. He broke yours.

Why bother smiling? Why bother trying?

He never really loved you.

You can delude yourself all you want, but you know the truth.

You stare at the broken pieces of your heart.

You don't even try and pick them up.

You sink into a corner, praying the pain will go away.

You don't want to feel anything.

You don't want to be near him, but he is your friend.

How do you know for sure?

How many times were you told he was using you?

How many times did you defend him?

How many times did you stand by him? Check on him? Make sure he was okay?

How many times did he do that for you?

How many times did you cry?

How many times did he pick you up after you broke down?

Was any of it real?

How could he ever want you?

He never embraced you in public, only in private.

You can count on a single hand how many times he physically interacted with you willingly.

So why did you bother trying?

Because you love him.

Now you're realizing he never loved you.

It just keeps adding to the pain.

Breaking your shattered heart more.

But you could never hate him.