Begin Again | On Hold

04 | philophobia

05

P H I L I P H O B I A » the fear of emotional attachment; the fear of being in or falling in love with someone; the fear of getting your heart broken.

VIRAT

The only thing life had taught me so far was that nothing in your life was certain ever. Bad things happened to those who deserved them but so did good things, that the good often died young but they also lived to old age. Stars would fade and shine, and seasons would pass through circle, but other things weren't as cut and dry.

But some people made a difference to it, to life itself, and Anushka was definitely one of them. Somehow, yesterday her antiques of placing my things haphazardly anywhere and everywhere had pissed me off a lot. But now, when I was shaving my beard while simultaneously trying to take a glimpse of my face on the mirror, I somehow enjoyed it.

How my toes were fighting against nature to stand on their own.

"Hey Virat," Anushka said with a warm smile that I could see on her face through the reflection on the mirror as she stood beside me. "Um, I'm going to put some food on. Anything you want in your breakfast specifically?"

"Black coffee maybe? No cream." I replied against the backdrop of the buzz of the electric razor. Anushka let out an amused chuckle before turning around. I knew what she was thinking, that maybe, just maybe the black coffee was the reason behind my bitter personality. "It's not black coffee - I just don't like opening up to people, just that you know."

Anushka froze for a second before turning around, and shrugged on her jacket dramatically. "Come on, you are not the lone behavioral reader as you stated." I quipped immediately in defense, a small grin on my face.

"Guess we both are on the same page on this. Even I never liked people who make me feel vulnerable," she replied giving me a small smile. Before I could reply to that, she continued, "That doesn't mean you get a reason to be a dick to them."

Her statement completely caught me off-guard, and before I could explain or apologize, Anushka turned away, leaving the room in a rush. Of course, I wasn't being a dick to her-

Oh Virat, you've no fucking idea.

Guilt washed over me as I wondered what I could to make the amends.I slunk meekly in the wheelchair letting my brain into an exhaustive overdrive to think of the ways by which I could make Anushka smile or laugh for real but her voice cuts in shortly, meaning she had made the breakfast already. The woman literally had super-powers it seemed. I wheeled myself to the dining hall anyway, and saw her standing near the dining table with a huge grin masked on her face.

I stare at the table, it's alu parathas - the smell of it told me it's somewhat the kind my mom used to make for me in Delhi and suddenly, I felt too overwhelmed by her kind gesture.

You were being a dick to her, that's unacceptable.

How bad did I really mess up?

I took the first bite of the paratha, and it was fucking delicious - exactly how the aroma boasted earlier. I didn't know what my face emoted to her, but Anushka couldn't stifle her chuckle when she saw me eating. "What?" I asked her, a thin veil of annoyance in my voice as I still hogged on the food.

"You're eating like you've never seen food before. It's kinda amusing." Seeing the look on my face, Anushka began to laugh relentlessly. I just stared at her for a second, there was something so special and magical about her. She was insightful, attractive, interesting, starry-eyed, with long eyelashes with their silhouettes on her cheeks. The way her nose sloped down was beautiful, and most importantly, there was something different about her sunlight-drunk face.