Summer Of Secrets Revealed

The Great Guilt

After taking my time in the bathroom, and carefully picking out my outfit, I walk downstairs. When I walk into the living room, my parents were talking to Harry intently. It looked pretty serious. I decided to wait a little, not wanting to interupt whatever they were discussing. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water, drinking as slow as possible.I recognised my moms footsteps as she came into the kictehn, standing beside me as I leaned against the counter.

"You picked a good one, Autmn." She said, taking the water from my hand and telling me to go and have fun.

I walk into the living room to see that Harry was waiting for me, a smile on his lips. "Ready to go?" He asked, holding out a hand to me. I grabbed his hand and let him lead me out of the house.

"What were you guys talking about?" I asked once we where in his car. He hasn't stopped smiling since we came out of the house, so my parents must have said something that made an imperession on him. Harry just shakes his head, dismissing my question.

After a while we pulled up to a small house. I waited in the car while Harry went inside to go and get Declan. I step out of the car once I see Harry struggling to carry both a car seat and a four year old boy. When they get close enough, Harry sets down Declan, telling him to hold my hand while he puts in the car seat. Declan looked at my shyly, deciding whether or not he liked me yet. I give him a small smile, which seems to make him trust me, holding out his small hand so that I could hold it.

As he studied me, I studied him. He was small for his age, and very quite. He kept pushing his light brown curls out of his eyes, making me think that Harry must have done the same thing when he was younger. He was tan, almost like he had been in the sun for a very long time in the past few weeks. But what made you notice him the most was his eyes. One of them was dark brown, so dark that you could barely distinguish where his iris was; and the other was a light green, almost grey. It was beautiful, I've never seen anything like it.

Declan's eyes stay on me, still acting shy, still not talking. He lifts his arms up, silently telling me to pick him up, which I gladly do. I smiled at him as he searches my face curiously. And after about a minute, his face breaks out into a smile, giggles escaping his lips. So I guess that means I passed the test.

After Harry gets Declan strapped in and gets into the drivers seat, he looks at me, thinking. "Where should we take him?" He asks, grabbing my hand. I smile and start to think, an idea popping into my mind.

"We could go to the aquarium. Do you know where the Greasy Diner is?" I ask, waiting for him to nod before continueing, "It's five minutes from there." I tell him.

"Then let's go to the aquarium." He says, turning to check on Declan before starting the car and driving.

I lean my head against the window, looking at the scenery as we drive. And that's when it hits me. I feel it in the pit of my stomach, almost like it's eating at me form the inside out. The Great Guilt. It was something that I had been feeling since I was young. In the strangest of times and places I would feel guilty, with no apparent cause, almost like everything I had ever felt guilty about in my entire life would rush back to me all together at the same time. I would feel so much remorse for so many things that at most times I would break down and hide away in a place where I could truly be alone. And other times I would pray to whoever was out there, whoever our higher power was to forgive me and forgive everyone else who felt this way. I had never told anyone about The Great Guilt because I knew that no one ele would feel this, or should feel this.

I wrap an arm around my stomach, disconnecting mine and Harry's hands. It just didn't feel right to be with him at the moment. I could feel Harry's eyes on me during the ride, flickering from the road, to me, and back. But there was nothing I could do, nothing I could say to make him understand. Because it's like feeling the guilt of human kind on your shoulders and having to deal with it on your own.

We pass Greasy Diner and I tell myself that I have to pull myself together, stitch up the whole in my heart and go on with the day, but I know I won't be myself again for a long time after this. We pull into the parking lot, Harry and I getting out of the car. I take Declan out of his car seat, grabbing his hand and walking to Harry's side. He grabs my hand gently, but I don't make any effort to try and hold his, just letting him lead me, and Declan, into the building.

Of course, the place was beautiful. This has always been my favourite place to be, ever since I was young. I try to smile at Harry, but it was no use. And Harry had caught on quite quickly. He pays for us to get in, then asks the tour guide to watch Declan while me and him go to get something that we had forgotten in the car.

I stare at him confused. We didn't leave anything there. But I let him drag me there anyways. When we get there, I lean my back against the car, crossing my arms and trying not to make eye contact with him. Harry steps closer, whispering for me to look at him. I do and I can't help it, I let The Great Guilt win, letting the feeling take over me. I take a shaky breath, watching as Harry comes even closer, so close that I could feel his breath tickle my face. He smelt like mint and lavender. He smelt like home.

And then I let him kiss me.

His hands on either side of my face, mine on his hips, pulling him closer to me.

Then I start to get lost in him.

I kiss him hard, not caring what anyone else thought. I got lost in the feeling of his lips. I got lost in his fingertips gently touched my cheeks, as if he thought I was the most fragile thing he had ever touched. I got lost in the smell of him, the way he tasted. I moved my hands to the nape of his neck, as he moved his to my waist; and I let a light hearted laugh escape my mouth when our lips seperate.

"Oh darling," he whispers. "How can you be so broken?"

I gently pull him back to me, getting lost all over again. This time in the way his hair feels. In the way he looked when I had opened my eyes; in disbelief. In how shaky his breaths are, despite how calm I feel.

I let myself give in, not just to him but to everything. To my bad memories, to my childhood, to my nightmares, to my dreams, to my hopes. And soon it all melts away utnil it's only him. It's only Harry standing here with me. It's only Harry that I feel with me. All I could feel, all I could hear, all I could see was him. He filled my senses with his presence, and I let him. And I couldn't be more happy to lose myself in someone like him, someone who would save me instead of letting me drown, like all the rest have.