The Trouble Is

Chapter 36: Girl Scouts

There's this song by a guy named Jason Isbell called "24 Frames." The idea is that there are twenty-four frames in a single second of a movie, or something like that. I think it's about how life can change in a single moment. There's this part where he sings "You thought God was an architect, now you know / He's something like a pipe bomb ready to blow / And everything you built that's all for show goes up in flames / In twenty-four frames."

Everyone knows their parents will die someday. And when a parent gets sick, really sick, like with cancer, you come to understand that it might be now. So, you get ready. You prepare.

I was as prepared as I could be for my mother to die. I Googled everything imaginable about coping with loss. I made lists of things to do. I read parts of the Bible. I read articles on how to prepare for the death of a parent. I made sure that I understood everything related to Doug—things like allergies, shot records, what size t-shirt he wears. I learned how to make basic meals like pancakes and spaghetti. I made more lists. I have a whole spiral dedicated to this topic.

I'm talking Girl Scout–level preparedness here.

I was as ready as I could possibly be.

I think about this now, all that work getting ready. I was just ready for the wrong thing.