The Trouble Is

Chapter 48: Crosses and Such

I turn on my phone this morning without thinking, without remembering. The chiming sound of text messages pouring in goes on and on. I debate reading them versus throwing my phone at the wall and watching it shatter.

I click the notifications.

It's a long text stream and includes people who are mostly from honors classes. I guess we've all been together in most of our classes for a few years now. I scroll through until I see Katie's name mentioned.

<So, I think we should put up some kind of memorial or something for Katie>

It's Jess talking.

<Maybe something at school>

<like what>

It's Mandy responding.

<mom says a park bench with a little plaque>

<too dorky>

<angel statue>

<barf>

They go on like this, with the occasional intrusion from some of the other girls. They only guy on this chain is Matt. Matt's only contribution is to ask if they will have to donate money or if someone's parents would offer it. I seriously think about throwing down my phone at that point.

I decide to skip down to the end. Surely there's a resolution to this awkward little group's debate. I go too far and have to scroll above lines of "later" and "c-u" and "luv u." It makes me want to barf just reading all that fake love and affection. When I finally get to the end, somehow, I'm not surprised. I guess I'm learning to expect the worst. And it doesn't get worse than this.

The group is going to put up a memorial cross at the lake.

I wonder if it will be like those little wooden crosses people put on the highways—the kind with plastic flowers stuck in the ground and things draped across the horizontal part like a pashmina scarf. Maybe it will be made of stone, like a headstone. They would engrave her name on it with little hearts and angels. Katie hated little hearts and angels. She preferred the look of rock-star tattoos and street graffiti. Or maybe the cross will be forged in iron like the swords on Game of Thronesare. Maybe John Snow himself will come pound it into the hard summer dirt. And then Katie will rise from the dead and kiss him hard on the lips, and they'll live happily ever after.

Yeppers, I'm aware that I am going a little cray-cray here.

And then I see my own name. It's that bitch Maggie acting like she knows me, acting like she knows anything.

<I know that Anna is just broken up about this.>

Mandy, our little first responder, chimes in.

<she's broken? 4reals?>

<yes, just broken>

<that's so sad L>

<i hear she's become an ev>

<huh? what?>

<oh, I thought you knew, Mandy>

Maggie has always been a know-it-all. Together, the brainpower of those two M&Ms equals that of a single dodo bird. They must not have seen my name in the list of recipients on this chain.

<...>

I see those three little dots on the screen. I've caught up with their conversation now. I wait for it.

<ev=emotional vampire>

I think about that for a long time. Do I suck the life right out of the room? Do I bring everyone down? Do I avoid the light?

I throw the phone across the room as I realize that I think I do.