just a story

love?

love. what do i feel about it? what is the concept of love in the mind of this young 12 year old girl named veronica? love... is it even real? well, love is sort of a touchy subject for me. i've dealt with stupid puppy love where we both just liked each other because we wanted to like someone. i've dealt with love where we just like each other because of our humor. i've also dealt with love that seemed like it was love at first, but i knew wasn't real. that is called bittersweet love. the worst kind.

we, as humans, experience love in many different ways. the love that i mainly experience is the ew kind of love where everything is heARTS AND HUGS AND THE BLUSHY FEELY TYPE OF LOVE. yeah. the 'ew love'. i mean like come on, it's pretty normal at this age to have overly-cutesy and romantic feelings for someone even if we may not know it.

i still don't understand why there is that kind of love at my age. many stereotypical movies romanticize this alternate universe where there's always going to be a happy ending where the guy always gets the girl and vice versa that i just seemed to have normalized it thinking that one day, in real life, it will soon happen to me.

yeah. i know. not very realistic. but there's still hope? haha. i'm not really sure how long this love rant is going to be considering i have lots to talk about that have just been locked in a tiny corner of my brain. i'm glad i can express my feelings through writing in a way that i know no one may not ever see. well, maybe just you guys on the internet, but not to my friends. it's more personal that way. unless they're like my best friend, they won't judge me for it, or i trust them.

back to the topic at hand. it's very rarely that i get a crush on a boy unless i've formed some type of bond with them. sure i can like them because of their looks but honestly, i don't count that as 'real love'. it's more like a lil candy heart for someone rather than a big chocolate fountain showering rose petals and sweets. yeah. but, from experience, i know that i'll probably only date someone if i can imagine having a future with them. (as in dates, marriage, babies, etc.)

having a big crush on someone is sooooo difficult. i can't explain it well to someone who hasn't experienced it, but once they walk in the room, you don't have butterflies like how they explain it in the books, your heart literally diES OR BEATS SO HARD YOU COULD IMAGINE IT BURSTING OUT OF YOUR CHEST. THERE IS NO IN BETWEEN. like you just sigh and smile A LOT and start getting giggly you just light up inside and make it way too obvious on the outside. i'm literally describing what it feels like for ME.

and honestly, if you have a crush, i feel like you should save your confession to them for another time. not at a random moment. when you feel like it's the right moment. i don't suggest the middle of the school year. the last day of school is actually really perfect (if you are going from 8th grade to high school). just, try to be cool about it. even if your feelings get the best of you and you're just left there in the eyes of someone you adore a LOT and you're a stuttering mess of a blob, just breathe. there's no rush for love to begin. just calm down and you'll get through it. it's just another day.

"buT VERONICA, I WANT TO TELL MY CRUSH I LIKE THEM BUT YOURE SAYING TO WAIT. HOW IS THIS HELPFU-" shhh it's okay my confused child. you'll understand when i explain this.

picture this. the first days or weeks of having a crush is a mix of confusion and exhilaration at the same time. you have probably fantasized of your crush many times that it's becoming normal to you. these ideas in your mind. this world you've created where you and that person is together. happy. weeks go by and you think it's ready to finally tell them.

now let me stop you right here.

ya know that once you tell your crush that you like them and if they reject you, that's it, right? no more 'what ifs' or 'maybes'. no more fantasizing, no more dreaming. that's it. they've rejected you. GAME OVER.

i'm sorry if you have a crush and reading this just made you have an anxiety attack. 

...same tho.

but, in all honesty, it's all just my opinion. i just think that if i were in your shoes, it's best to keep this a side thing and not affect the way you are right now. ((plus you should never listen to me. i'm bad at advice))

i just have a crippling fear of rejection from others. but if you think you can tell your crush that you like them, and you're confident even after reading this bs, then you go do what you're supposed to do! this isn't supposed to be inspiring in any way, butttttt

sure okay.