Son of a Rambler.

Chapter 18.

The past is gone.

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I rub my eyes, letting out a yawn as I sit in the leather lazy boy. I'm covered in a quilt that was gifted to Jax and I from Gemma. I watch as the movie plays on the television, and for some reason I can't stop yawning. I guess if there was a time for everything to crumble, it would be now since it's summer time and I'm done work for a handful of months.

I scratch the side of my face, relieving the itch from the overwhelming anxiety that I've been dealing with since I found out Tara was alive. It's only been a few days since everything happened, and my mind can't stop itself from racing with endless possibilities to the situation.

I let out a sigh as I reach for my cup of tea that's sitting on the side table. I take a sip of it and return my gaze to the TV. I hear footsteps down the hallway and look up to see Jax fully dressed, cut and all. He gives me a small grin before taking a seat on the leather sofa. I take another drink of my tea as he clears his throat. "So, we should probably talk about what happened, eh?" he starts off.

I nod slowly, "I guess so."

Jax runs a hand through his hair and lets out a sigh, "She's not coming back into my life, Al. I promise. I made a vow to you, and I will never break that." He says quietly, playing with his fingers.

I take a deep breath, "She's the mother of your kids, Jax. It isn't that easy."

"You are the mother to those kids. Tara ran away for her own selfish reasons. How do I explain to Abel that his second mom isn't dead anymore and that Wendy is his real mom and everything else? The kid will be so confused."

I watch as concern runs over his face. He's right. Abel is so young, and he won't be able to properly process what's going on, let alone having to explain that Tara isn't dead. "Then I guess we keep going on like we were... No letting Tara back into their lives... But, what do we do? Do we just pretend like we don't know she's alive?"

Jax sighs, "I don't even know what to do anymore, Al. I feel like every time life gets better, I end up taking ten steps backwards, and everything breaks down." He holds his head in his hands, "Or something fucks up and you get hurt."

"You didn't know that she was alive, Jax. I know how heartbreaking it was for you when you got the news... I just don't understand why she's back. Why now? She's had years to come back, but she decides to come back the day we get married. I don't get it." I admit.

Jax looks over at me, "I wish I had answers for you, I really do." He stands up and steps over to me, staring down at me. I raise my eyebrow in confusion.

"What?"

He nods upward and moves out his hand. "Stand up." He directs me before taking my hand in his and pulling me up. "Just hug me." Jax says quietly as he pulls me into his chest. I wrap my arms around his neck and let out a soft sigh into the nape of his neck. "Promise me that no matter what, you'll never leave. You'll keep trying, and you'll stand by me."

I let out a small chuckle, "I made vows to you, silly. I'm not going anywhere."

I feel Jax smile against the nape of my neck as he holds me tightly. "Good. I don't want anyone else's love." He kisses my neck softly before running a hand through my long, dark hair.

I move my hands to his face, holding it and giving him a soft smile. "I love you so much, Jackson. More than I could ever explain."

I watch as tears fill up in Jax's eyes, probably from all the stress and anxiety that came from Tara showing up. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Al." he lets out a deep breath, "Everything that doesn't make sense about me only makes sense when I'm with you. I need you. I can't think of my life with anyone else."

I lean forward, kissing him softly and smiling back. "I love you. You never have to worry about losing me, I promise." I reassure my husband, and he just nods.

"I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."

I shake my head slowly, "Well, you don't need to worry about what you'd do without me. I'm staying here, until death do us apart." I say as I bring up my ring finger, showing off my wedding band.

Jax chuckles, "I'm glad." He says before kissing me again. "I can't believe the boys are still sleeping." He admits.

I look down at my watch and my eyebrows raise at the sight of the time. "Yeah, holy crap. It's almost 11. Should we wake them up?"

Jax nods, "It's probably for the best if we do. They must have had a long night."

I look up at him confused, "We went to bed at the same time."

Jax shakes his head, "Nope." He says, popping the 'p'. "Abel was up singing your guys' song. He was upset that you were sad and couldn't sleep."

I feel my heart glow in my chest, a smile creeping on my face. "My boy." I say softly, so in love with the two boys I'm raising with Jax. "Let's go wake them up." I say as I walk down the hallway to our bedroom where we all slept.

I walk over to the large bed and smile at the sight of Abel and Thomas. I crawl onto the bed and kiss Abel's cheek, and then Thomas'. I move Thomas' hair out of his face and grin softly. I move back to Abel and kiss his cheek once more, "Time to wake up, babe." I say quietly. I watch as he stirs awake, reaching for his eyes and rubbing the sleep from them.

"Mama." He groans as he starts to wake up. Jax reaches over to Thomas and picks him up in his arms, waking him up and kissing him softly. I watch as Abel opens his eyes and gives me a small smile. "Hi Mama." He says quietly before moving over to me and falling into my lap, wrapping his arms around me.

"Hi baby." I say softly, pushing his hair out of his eyes. "How was your sleep?"

He just nods with a smile on his face. I look up at Jax who is grinning down at us. Thomas is wide awake and laying in Jax's arms quietly observing the two of us.

"O'tay." Abel replies, still sleepy. "Are you happy, Mommy?"

I smile at him, "Of course I'm happy, babe. Thank you for singing last night."

I watch as he sits up and smiles, "I love you, mommy."

I wrap him back into my arms and kiss him all over his face, "I love you so, so much." I stand up, picking him up in my arms and walking to the living room with him, Jax and Thomas following behind me. I turn around and stop to look at Jax and Thomas, and my heart glows at the sight of my small, but perfect family. I guess what doesn't kill you brings you closer to each other.