crash & burn

21. battle scars

CW for mentions of violence

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i'll carry you home, no you're not alone
keep marching on, this is worth fighting for

you know we've all got battle scars
- paradise fears, "battle scars"

Gray sat on the roundabout at the park near Ultear's house, knees tucked under his chest, hands trembling. He wasn't surprised when he heard footsteps nearby, and when Natsu slumped down next to him, he sighed.

"You'd better not start spinning this thing," Natsu joked quietly. "I get really bad motion sickness – this could be a disaster." Gray breathed out a small sound of amusement, knocking his knee against Natsu's. A gentle silence descended over them, a sharp contrast to the jumble of sounds and images in Gray's brain.

...need to hide... can't let him know you're-.... call the police... a soft knock on his front door... shock of white hair... red and blue lights on the wall... "they're not coming home" ... Lyon's eyes that didn't see him... "it should have been you the first time"... so much blood... sirens and blurry voices...

"Lyon shot me."

Gray felt Natsu stiffen beside him at the words, and his stomach dropped. Please don't leave, he thought, clenching his fists.

"Last year," Gray continued uncertainly. "He... it's..." He sighed, burying his face in his hands. "It's a really fucking long story." He felt a soft bump against his shoulder, and glanced over at Natsu.

"Do you want to tell me?" Natsu asked. His eyes were open and honest, and Gray felt that fear again, the terror of tarnishing Natsu's goodness with all this garbage. Natsu must have been able to read his mind, because he added, "You told me that I didn't have to do this alone. You don't either."

Natsu held out his hand and Gray hesitated for only a second before grabbing it and lacing their fingers together. He took a deep breath, trying to figure out where to begin. Once he started talking, he knew he wasn't going to be able to stop.

"Lyon... blamed me for mom's death," he said softly. "Probably still does." Gray chewed on his lip, feeling his stomach revolt against him. Everything in him screamed at him to shut up, that he could still walk away from this intact. Gray breathed deeply, trying to remember Natsu's words from earlier. You're not going to hurt me. The only thing that hurts me is watching you deal with this alone.

"I'm sure it wasn't your fau-"

"My uncle murdered her," Gray snarled. Fuck, this was hard. "Sorry, I'm not... good at this..." Gray sighed and Natsu squeezed his hand.

"Take your time," Natsu said gently, and Gray nodded.

"My uncle – Jean-Yves – was never... well," he said after a moment. "He had a lot of mental health issues that he wouldn't get help for. When my... parents died, he wanted me to live with him, but he was deemed 'unfit.' He kinda lost it." Natsu rubbed his thumb over Gray's knuckles. "He was in and out of jail, and he was banned from seeing me. I guess he tried to grab me a few times while we were out grocery shopping and stuff."

"Jesus," Natsu said quietly, and Gray nodded. The snow was coming down harder now, and Natsu shifted closer, wrapping his arm around Gray.

"Five years ago, he... showed up at our house..."

"Lyon, take Gray and hide in the basement." Gray's mom's face was terrified in a way that Gray had never seen it before, not even the night his parents died.