crash & burn

epilogue

Three Years Later
Montréal, Quebec

"Sylvie, sors tes pieds de le table, tout de suite."

Sylvie stuck her tongue out at Gray but removed her feet from the table and shuffled until her legs were tucked beneath her on the couch. Gray raised an eyebrow at her and she looked contrite. "Natsu! Es-tu prête à partir?"

"Un instant!" Came a voice from upstairs. Gray sighed, crouching down to help Renaud with his sweater. Natsu came down the stairs a moment later, a mostly-dressed Felix sitting on his shoulders. He grinned at Gray, sidestepping a pile of toys and leaning over to kiss him.

"Ewwww," Sylvie groaned, and Natsu leaned over and tousled her head affectionately while maintaining the kiss with Gray. "C'est dégueu!"

"Just wait ten years," Natsu replied in his accented French, and Gray melted a little. "You might like it then!" Sylvie crossed her arms over her faded Star Wars shirt, and Natsu leaned over and kissed her on top of her head. "Allons-y."

After they had successful navigated all three children into their shoes, then outside and into their respective carseats, both men leaned against the rental car, taking a moment of respite. Natsu leaned his head on Gray's shoulder, humming happily when Gray wrapped an arm around him.

"What were we thinking?" Gray murmured into Natsu's hair, pulling the Natsu into his arms. Natsu looked up at him and grinned, pressing a soft kiss to Gray's lips.

"Ultear and Xavier deserve the break," he said between kisses, slipping his hands under Gray's shirt. Gray yelped in indignation at the chill, but it turned quickly to a soft sigh as Natsu began tracing circles up his back. "Plus, the kids loved cabane à sucre last year."

"Mmm, but they're a year older and more monstrous now," Gray replied. "And it's a lot bigger here in Montréal than back home."

The idea of herding around a six-year-old, a five-year-old and a toddler was exhausting, but Natsu was right – his sister did deserve the break. And she had gotten them that weekend in the mountains next month (which Natsu didn't know about yet), so Gray did kinda owe her.

"Plus, it's just for the day," Natsu continued, kissing down Gray's jaw. Gray made a soft sound that deepened the closer Natsu got to his ear. "After supper you're all mine."

"Mnnmmm," Gray replied, lost in the feeling of Natsu's lips on his neck. This was never going to get old. "But we have to get through dinner with grand-maman and grand-papa and Tante Ophélie and her boyfriend first." Even though Natsu's French had improved tremendously over the last three years, Gray knew he still got overwhelmed on these trips, especially at family dinners.

"I'll just hide in the bathroom if it gets too intense." Natsu's breath tickled the hairs on Gray's neck and Gray shivered. "We'd better get going." Natsu pressed one last kiss to Gray's cheek before snagging the keys from his pocket and slipping into the driver's seat. Gray rolled his eyes, then hesitated for a moment with his hand on the door.

"I have to do something," he said quietly, giving Natsu a quick smile. "I forgot something upstairs. I'll be right back." Natsu nodded to him, already mediating a disagreement between Sylvie and Renaud.

Gray ran back into his grandparent's house and took the stairs back up to the guest bedroom, closing the door behind him. Taking a deep breath, he walked over to the bedside table and lifted up a sheet of paper that had been folded and hurriedly tucked under a bowl of decorative fruit. He unfolded the letter and ran his hands over it, skimming it one last time.

Lyon,

I think I have some idea how you felt those years ago when you first wrote to me. I don't know how many times I've written and rewritten this over the past few months, trying to get it right. I don't know if I ever can get it right, but here goes.

I'm writing this from grand-maman and grand-papa's place – actually, in the old room you and I used to share when we'd come here for summer sleepovers. The wall still has our stupid graffiti carved into it, and grand-maman never threw out those Star Trek blankets we had, so I've got one wrapped around my legs. The other is covering Natsu, who is snoring so loud I'm surprised he hasn't woken up the kids.

He's one of the reasons I'm writing. We kinda met because of you, and while I don't subscribe to that whole "everything happens for a reason" bullshit philosophy, I'm glad it all led to him. We've been together for three years now – it's kind of a convoluted story, but the gist of it is that we both had (have) demons and we found each other in the battle. You'd have liked him, I think. He's impetuous and loyal and stubborn and incredibly kind-hearted. Ultear says he's good for me and I kinda believe her.

Anyway, we're here visiting grand-maman and grand-papa, and this year Ultear and Xavier brought the kids for cabane à sucre and somehow roped Natsu and I into taking them. Unfortunately for Ultear, we're basically going to give them all a bunch of sugar and hand them back after dinner. I have plans for the rest of the night.

Natsu thinks we're just here for fun, which is true, but what he doesn't know is that I've got a ring in my pocket, and tonight I'm taking him to the beach at Parc Jean-Drapeau to propose to him. I'm terrified, which is stupid because I know he's going to say yes, but... I feel like nothing will change, and everything will change.

So... that's something you'll miss. Me getting married, I mean. We won't make a big deal out of it – Natsu's not like that – but you won't be there. I always thought you'd be my best man. That honor is going to go to my friend Freed (although they'll be 'best person').

I guess one of the things I'm most angry about is that you're just not here. And you haven't been, for a long time. You stopped being my brother long before you shot me.

I feel like this letter is all over the place, but I do have a point that I'm trying to make. I was in a therapy group for a while, they talked about forgiveness a lot. I hated you so much that I felt like I could never forgive you. But... if I'm planning on making a life with the man I love, I can't drag all this anger and resentment around with me forever.

So... I forgive you. And it's not because you've apologized a hundred times – I have read all your letters – or because you've acknowledged what you did. Those things are important, but I'm forgiving you because I want to be happy. I'm forgiving you because when I hate you, I'm still holding on to all the bitterness and anger I have for you. And I need to let that go. I need to let you go. You don't belong in my life anymore.

Goodbye, Lyon. Please don't write to me again.

Gray

Gray's hands shook as he folded the letter carefully, shoving it into an envelope that he'd had Ultear address for him a few months ago. He hesitated, wiping at the tears that had formed in his eyes, before sealing it.

Before he could change his mind, Gray raced back down the stairs, out the front door, past the car, and skidded to the stop at the mailbox. He held the letter near the envelope slot for a few seconds, breathing shallowly and feeling panic creep up his chest.

Fuck it, he thought, shoving the envelope in the slot and taking a step back from the mailbox. There. It was done. He felt something in his chest lighten a bit, an invisible tether between him and Lyon severed.

"Gray! I've got three antsy kids who need sugar pies and maple syrup here!" Natsu was leaning out the window of the car, looking fucking gorgeous as usual, with a big grin on his face. "You comin' or what?"

Gray laughed, jogging back across the street and opening the passenger door, then sliding into his seat. He leaned over and kissed Natsu again – to Sylvie's chagrin – then slid his hand down Natsu's arms and twined their fingers together.

"Uncle Gray, are you okay?" Renaud frowned up at him and Gray leaned back, flashing the kids a wide smile.

"Yeah," he said, tracing the outline of the ring in his pocket. He couldn't wait until later tonight. "Yeah, I really, really am."

French Translations
Sylvie, sors tes pieds de le table, tout de suite = Sylvie, get your feet off the table right now
Es-tu prête à partir? = Are you ready to go?
Un instant! = Just a second!
C'est dégueu! = That's gross!
Allons-y = Let's go