crash & burn

14. if you jump, i'll break your fall

TW for flashback to the suicide attempt

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if you need to fall apart, i can mend a broken heart
if you need to crash, then crash and burn, you're not alone
- savage garden, "crash and burn"

Natsu was dreaming again. Not-Gray was gone, but so was the blood and the icy feeling in his chest. Instead, he floated through a river on a giant lily pad, drifting back and forth under dappled sunlight.

Ne m'oublie pas, je vais devoir m'en aller
Ne m'oublie pas, tu ne dois pas pleurer

Why was someone in his dream singing in... Spanish? French? Natsu didn't recognize the words, but the voice was familiar. He sat up on the lily pad and looked around, frowning. Gray? he thought, as the gentle voice continued to sing.

Même si je suis très loin de toi, tu restes dans mon coeur
Je chante en secret chaque soir, pour que tu n'aies plus peur

And then Natsu was falling off the lily pad into the water, and the dream was shattered. He winced as consciousness slammed into him headfirst. His body felt strange, like something soft was tingling through his veins, and he groaned a little as he shifted his head.

Everything was cold.

Natsu blinked a few times, squinting as he opened his eyes. Being awake was terrible. Everything was blurry, and his head felt at least twice the size it should be. He winced and tried to lift a hand to his face, but found it blocked by something. Another hand? And it was attached to... a person.

"G... ray?" Natsu's voice was rough and the words felt stuck to his tongue, but the image above him gradually resolved into his friend. Gray's hand rested gently on the back of Natsu's wrist, and when Natsu looked down, he realized it was to prevent him from pulling out the IV taped there. Why did have an IV? "W... where..."

"The hospital." Gray's voice was softer than Natsu had ever heard it, barely a whisper. Natsu frowned as the hand that had been resting on his wrist slipped into his, fingers curling around his palm. He heard a chair scrape the floor, and Gray slumped down into it, leaning forward onto the bed. "What do you remember?"

"I..." Natsu felt like he was drowning. Everything was so far away. What had happened? He tried to take a breath but found that it was stuck in his chest. A machine started to beep somewhere close by.

"It's okay." Gray squeezed his hand and Natsu clung to it like a lifeline. "Take deep breaths." Gray's other hand came up to gently stroke Natsu's hair as Natsu struggled to bring his breathing back to normal. "You're okay, you're safe."

Natsu squeezed Gray's hand again, feeling a sharp shock of panic as somebody else entered the room.

"He just woke up," Gray explained to the taller figure, who was checking the machine and then leaning over Natsu. It was a blonde woman with soft features and a white jacket. A doctor. Was he sick?

"He'll likely be disoriented for a bit," the woman replied, wrapping something around Natsu's arm. "Can you tell me your name, love?" She had a British accent. Natsu contemplated her question for a moment. She kept moving in and out of focus.

"N-natsu," he said finally, still clinging to Gray's hand. Gray let him, rubbing Natsu's knuckles with his thumb.

"Good, do you know where you are?" Something squeezed his upper arm tightly and the doctor glanced down at her watch.

"The... hospital?" Natsu really only knew that because Gray had told him, but she nodded, and the squeezing stopped. Natsu suddenly realized that his left arm hurt – a deep, throbbing ache. His stomach hurt too, and he felt like he might be sick.