Unspoken Love

Chapter 5

~Normani Kordei~

My heart is still pounding. I can see Dinah and Camila sitting underneath the setting sun. On the grass right before the beach. Ive never seen Dinah so happy. Something inside me boils. I want to make her that happy. But thats one thing I dont have the heat to do. Not anymore. Not to Camila.

"Normani meet Camila Cabello."

I was five yeas old when I first met her. She had her oxygen tank and I remember helping her up the stairs to my room. I remember wanting to help her. Wanting to save her. Camila gave me a smile when she saw my library. At the time my walls were bare of writing.

"You like to read?"

"Yes." I had replied shyly.

"How do you read such big books?"

"Im waiting for when I get older."

Camila smiled at me.

"One day you'll grow up to be beautiful." She promised me.

"Not as pretty as you."

She blushed but continued. "One day I hope someone loves you like I do."

"You barely know me."

"But I love you. Your heart is pure and amazing."

That was when I believed in love and pureity...

But when I turned seven I watched it. I watched Camilas lungs suck at being lungs. I watched the ambulence come to get her. I waited. I thought she died. I did. And I wished I couldve done something. I wished to protect her. But I couldnt.

And when I went in and we all thought she was going to die she held my hand and said, "I want you to move on from me. I dont want to hurt you."

We werent in love or anything but we were the closest of friends.

"I will." I told her. "I promise."

Thats when I stated going into depression. I hated the world I hated my life. My dad started abusing me. When I found the rock on the playground and sliced my hand on accident it didnt hurt. I didnt cry when I gushed blood. I sighed in relief because it felt so good.

When Camila found she would live I stayed away like I promised. I attacked her and everybody with words. It was for the best. She went heartbroken. But a promise is a promise.

I look at them again. That was so long ago but I still miss her. I miss being able to talk to her and laugh and have someone be there. I miss her and I have come to hate myself more and more everytime I push her away. Everytime I insult her.

"Normani Kordei!"

My dad pulls up and gets out of his car. "Come get the dam groceries."

I groan and storm outside. He rolls his eyes at me and slaps me but I dont even wince. The pain feels good. But not as much as my blade. I can hear it echo across the wind and I see Camila look over Dinahs shoulder at me.

"Stupid bitch. Always so lazy. I brought you into this fucking world why dont you show some appreciation." Another slap.

This time Dinahs attention has been drawn. I roll my eyes at her and turn to face my dad.

"Sorry." I say flattly.

"Your not sorry." He says crossly. "Not yet."

I prepare for another slap but what I get is somethig entirely new. I feel pain race down my arm in a stinging sensation. It hurts like hell but I dont flinch. I welcome the new pain of a blade I have come to recongize.

Blood begins to drizzel over my arm so i take off my shirt and wrap it over my arm. He rolls his eyes at me and walks up to the door. "When your ready to make some fucking use of yourself call me." He slams the door and locks it. Another night sleeping outside.

I turn back around and find Camila and Dinah. "What?" I snap.

Dinah takes the shirt from my hands and wraps and a bandage over the cut. Camila takes my hand and whispers, "Im sorry."

She looks me in the eyes and a silent recongition passes through us. She hugs me. "Ive missed you." I whisper.

"Are you alright?" Dinah asks once we break away. Thankfully she had a phonecall so she didnt see that."

"Why do you care?"

"Normani if you want you can spend the night at my house." Dinah says ignoring my question.

"Why? After all Ive done-"

"I dont care." Dinah interrupts. "I refuse to let you sleep outside."

"Whos going to stop me?"

Dinah moves closer to me and I can feel my heart race. "I am. You can act how ever you want but that not gona stop me from caring about you Normani."

For a second Im tempted to give in. But only a second. Because I glance at Camila and she looks broken. And I remember that her life could be over at any moment. I can be in the way of her and Dinah. The crush she has is so obvious. Dinah makes her life worth living. And I refuse to take it from her.

So I do the only thing Im good at. "Stop fucking caring Dinah Jane." I tell her coldly. "Whatever you think you know about me you dont. You live in this perfect fucking world where everyones happy and I bet you love it. You dont know though. You just want to help because of my stupid dad and you pity me. I dont want your fucking pity you worthless bitch. Go ahead and talk to me again when you feel like dying. Because its what you should do. Maybe you can die a love story with your Juliet." I snap.

Her eyes go wide and tears shine in her eyes. "Stop saying that! Your just jealous. Camila might be dying but shes loved. Your just jealous that she will always be loved more than you. I bet thats why your mother left. Probably couldnt stand you. And Im willing to bet that thats the reason your dad abuses you. He blames you and he has every right."

Camila steps back. "Dinah!"

"Dont defend me Juliet." I say sending her a look. She nods but doesnt look happy. "Your right Dinah Jane. My moms dead. She ran her car right into some shipping companys truck and died. Do you know what she told me the night before? That I was a mistake and shouldnt have been born. And my dad hates me for that everyday."

She looks torn between sympathy and apologizing and still being angry. For a second she doesnt speak then, "I told you know one loved you. Thats why you always bully and pick on her. Your jealous and now I see that I was right. Your a mistake and you should be the one to die."

With that said she turns away and Camila looks at me hesitently. "You didnt have to do that."

"I cant take her away from you. I cant cause any more pain to you."

Camila wraps her arms around me. "I missed you Normani."

I smile. "I missed you too. Now go get Dinah."

She squeezes my hand before running after her and I turn away so the tears can finally spill.