Just Hoping For A Miracle

Two.

        I have many memories with Logan, but by far my favorite happened in the summer in between fourth and fifth grade. It's weird how this is my favorite memory because of how traumatizing it could have been, but maybe it's the fact that it's not traumatizing that makes it my favorite memory. We were at camp, the last day, and our final activity was zip lining. Go big or go home, I guess, and since we were going home in less than 12 hours, we had to 'Go Big'. 

And of course, they weren't going to force anyone to go, but there was this rule, everyone had to try. They'd put you into the zip lining gear, you climb up the stairs, and you'd sit on the edge, and then you decided how you got down, the stairs or zip lining across. So, I did. I put on the uncomfortable zip lining strap pants thing, and I climbed the stairs (by this time, I'd learned how to not be such a klutz and most of the time, I was able to properly walk up the stairs. This time, Logan didn't have to catch me, which is unfortunate, that would have been a great nod back to the start of our friendship.), and I sat on the edge. And I was quite frankly, terrified. There were a billion things running through my mind and about half of them were "you're going to die", the other half was "holy fuck. this is high up.".n

And just as I was about to start blubbering like a dying baby, I looked over at Logan. He was watching me, waiting for me to go. "Hey, Livi. It's okay. We'll go together, alright?" He said. "Ready? One.... Two.... Three!" And we went, pushing off of the large wooden platform, that stood forty feet in the air. And, my God, even though to this day, I am still terrified of heights, that was an amazing experience. The zip line cables went over  a beautiful lake/pond and over many, many trees, and it felt like it was going to go on forever, like we could spend an eternity just enjoying the view. But it came to a stop, after about four minutes of "soaring" over the trees and the lake/pond, it was over. And ten we were back to the normal, real world. And soon it was time to leave. 

        And even though I was terrified while going down the zip line, it still became my favorite memory because of the way that Logan acted when we were up on that wooden platform. He was so calm, and he was so kind, and I am absolutely certain that on that wooden platform, forty feet in the air, is where I fell in love. (Thank God I didn't literally fall, that would have been painful.) 

---

I could think about the past forever, I could sit here, reminiscing about all of the amazing moments that I have shared with Logan and all of our other friends. 

But I have to face the truth. 

We aren't really best friends anymore, a lot has happened in these past few months. I haven't completely lost him, we still talk, but he's more distant. He doesn't tell me all of those important things, the things that no one else knows. He talks to me like I'm just another person, we talk about basketball and music and sometimes some of our inside jokes from a million years ago. But he doesn't talk about who he likes anymore, and he never talks about "the deep stuff". All of the things that make people best friends, those topics are completely off the table. 

I started losing him a few months ago. It was the end of March, everyone was finally starting to realize that school was going to be over soon, and my friend, Aimee, was talking to Logan. They were texting or something and somehow came across the topic of me, since apparently I was the reason that they were friends, I'd been their mutual friend. Aimee knew about my feelings for Logan, and I guess that she just decided to do something about it.

So she told him that I liked him. And apparently he was a lot more blind than I thought because he had no idea before she told him. He didn't believe it. 'But she's never acted like she did...?' He said multiple times. 

And then Aimee started in on asking him if he felt the same. I guess she just wanted to play matchmaker. And she kept asking him. Again and again and again, until he finally cracked and told her. And he sent her a big long paragraph telling the truth. "Yes, I do. But I never told her because we were really cool and I didn't see the point of telling her and it didn't seem like she even liked me. But it doesn't even matter because I'm dating Chelsea. I think that she's cool and I like how she's smart and funny. She always has me smiling and I don't know what I would do without her being my best friend. She gets me up in the morning. And I love how she laughs at all of my jokes, even if they aren't funny. She's awesome. Does that answer your question?" He said.

And so then I was left there to wonder if I "get him up in the morning" and that he does like me back, why aren't we together?

Only Logan knows the answer to that questoin though.