Best Of Me [YoonMin]

11: Too Fast...?

(Jimin POV)

I walked in the opposite direction of the crowded city, to a lush, green garden area. My feet ached from all the walking. I took a seat on one of the first benches I found, groaning softly. I was glad the park was lonely...I needed time to get my mind together.

I had never thought about my sexuality. It was the last thing I ever thought about really.  Being in the hospital almost my whole life, I didn't get a chance to explore like everyone else. I didn't go to school, have crushes, none of that... I mean, sure, I watched romantic movies and TV and observed people all day, but this was so different..

That's why I was so confused now...

What was this thing Yoongi made me feel?
Why was I so jealous of all the things Kirang was able to  do to him? The strokes on his arm, the kisses on his cheeks, his lips. The way they conversed so easily...it made my stomach hurt and my heart flutter in a sad, sad way.

The moment we had shared back at his apartment, why had my heart sped up at his touch? Why had our gaze lingered so long? Most importantly, why had he gotten upset?

Was I...gay? Was I...in love? Was it possible to fall in love in so little time, with a person you barely know?

Yes, I barely knew Yoongi...I didn't know the girlfriend he told me about was wealthy, I didn't know he had such a luxurious home, car, and life.  Was he as filthy rich as his girlfriend? Had he actually worked for what he had? The Yoongi I knew was closed off, bitter, and seemingly average.  The Yoongi I saw today... He was not that one. This was a whole new side. A side that I still very much loved..

Not that I knew anything about love. I knew nothing. I mean, I loved Seokjin. He was like a father to me. And I loved Nurse Song. And I loved my friends, Tae and Hoseok.  But this, whatever my heart was feeling, was different than that type of love. This seemed to be more raw, more pure, and more confusing.  Love.

But he was taken.  Yoongi belonged to Kirang. How tragic, my first love was already impossible.  It made me laugh bitterly.

Even if it was impossible, I could express my love in other ways. Comfort him during his treatments, talk to him, cheer him up. Support him. Maybe the best way to love someone like Yoongi was to love him from afar. If it meant I could be close to him...that's what I would do.

My head hurt from all the thinking.

I lifted my gaze to the sky, which was now dark and covered with stars.

I didn't know where I was, but it was no where near the hospital. My phone was dead, so I couldn't call anyone...and I had no money, so I couldn't catch the bus or even a taxi. Yoongi had taught me how to use public transport,  but that was useless with no money.

I felt hot tears began to graze my cheeks, my vision growing blurry.

I was scared, hungry, cold, and in pain.

Yoongi...what do I do now?