him | taekook

chapter 16

Taehyung has never felt wanted before. People talk a lot about how that feeling is; how your skin prickles with anticipation, how a pair of eyes can ignite a fire within you. He thought feeling wanted was whenever Jungkook touched him with a purpose. But after getting rejected like that by his own boyfriend, he wonders if he's ever really known at all. He looks sideways at his friend Jin whose eyes keep focusing on his lap with tension and stress and a thousand hidden emotions. He wonders when did they start hiding so much from each other.

"I think Jungkook doesn't want to sleep with me," he blurts out then, unable to keep it in any longer. Jin turns towards him so fast that Taehyung is surprised his neck doesn't crack. His eyes widen comically, mouth shaped like a vowel.

"What?"

"I mean---I asked him for space, so I get that but I've been trying to..." he gestures with his hands, as if grasping for the words flying in the air. "At least a handjob, you know?" he shrugs before shaking his head in disbelief. "God, that sounded awful. I'm awful."

Seokjin's eyes aren't judgemental as they regard him, though. He looks even a bit amused as he stretches over their two chairs in the library and rests his arm around his neck. "Tae, shut up. You're not awful. You may be trying but he may not know that."

Taehyung frowns at that. He looks at him with odd eyes before asking, "So you want me to wait for him on his bed naked or some shit?"

"Well, that would send the message just fine," Jin snorts.

"I guess. But what if he says no? It'd be absolutely horrifying," he shudders, the idea making him cringe so badly his body shakes.

Seokjin rolls his eyes. "He won't say no."

Taehyung hums though he's still hesitant at the idea of trying again, and of the awful possibility of rejection. He allows his eyes to focus back on his friend who returns his stare at his lap. The younger purses his lips, tilts his head and studies Jin as if he were a lab rat. "What's with you anyway? You seem...gone."

When Seokjin looks back up, his eyes are clear. He wets his lips, looking a bit around them as if making sure no one was listening. It makes Taehyung a bit excited about what could his friend possibly be about to tell and so he looks over his shoulder as well, stupidly imitating Jin's paranoia. A few seconds later though, Jin seems to be satisfied with their surroundings because he nods before leaning a bit closer to Taehyung and revealing in a hushed voice,

"Namjoon and I have been fooling around lately and---it's so stupid. I'm so stupid," he laughs humorlessly, sends his friend a look filled with desperation over his fringe. "He told me straight out he couldn't date me but fuck, he's perfect for me, Tae. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him and he just sees me like a damn toy and..." he pauses, buries his face in his hands and whines into them. He peers at Taehyung through the gaps between his fingers, eyes glassy. "How did I get here?"

"Wow, hey," he grabs the older's hands, sets them down on his lap though he still looks away, embarrassed. "Look at me. Please don't cry," he murmurs with a pout.

Seokjin blinks at him.

"I'm probably never gonna get a boyfriend at this rate."

Taehyung rolls his eyes dramatically. "Shut up. You're perfect. If you don't get anyone then---" he throws his hands in the air, exasperated. "Then this whole world is the most fucked up shitty, stinky place ever. I mean it," he adds which earns him a small smile from the older. "Just talk to him, yeah?"

The older groans, throwing his head backwards in his seat.

"We're bad at love," he concludes and Taehyung laughs so hard his stomach hurts.