Nazakat ✓

6 || You Can and You Will, Because You're Bad-ass Like That

6 || You Can and You Will Because You're Bad-ass Like That

FANAA : DESTROY

Embracing the aftermaths of a disaster that doesn't involve you is the bravest feat that can be achieved, in my defense.

Sitting there with Noor on her bedroom floor, we both gazed out at the Moon that was childishly peeking behind the curtain of clouds that tried desperately to cover it. It was Sunday evening, and to say it was better aftermath to yesterday's evening would be a good enough statement. 

Ammi would never have allowed me to stay such late at anyone's house, even Noor. It just went against typical Pakistani norms to allow your child to have a decent sleepover. But a little convincing from Zain and I was surprisingly allowed till the very late hour of ten.

Please do note the sarcasm.

Nobody apart from us three knew about yesterday's unfortunate events. And well, the people who caused those events in the first place. Thankfully.

Sitting there on the floor, my hands pulled at the white, fluffy carpet that adorned Noor's bedroom. I had an irritatingly despising habit to keep my hands busy at all times. To fiddle, was like breathing to me.  

Today's morning, and probably yesterday's night too was spent in Noor crying endlessly and me still trying to get her out of the blubbering mess that she had made herself into. It mostly consisted of her apologizing to me, but never offering an explanation for her actions. Of course, being the sappy one I was, I forgave her. 

Though I doubt that I will ever forget.

The silence between us in this nightly hour of eight was deafening. We both welcomed it with open arms- hours of crying, and exhaustion will do that to you. 

But that didn't last long either.

"I never gave you an explanation as to why I wanted to attend that hell in the first place, did I?" Noor started, her eyes still fixed on the Moon. Figuring it was rhetorical, I only stared at her face, never bothering to give an answer.

Part of me didn't want an answer, but another part just couldn't resist the temptation.

"As always, you guessed right that day. This did have something to do with Mummy." She then scoffed. "Actually, this had everything to do with Mummy. But I won't lay all of the blame on her. She may have given me the matchstick to light the fire, but in the end, it was my decision to light it anyway. She enticed me but never forced me. It was I who fell into the temptation."

I grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

"She and I had a pretty chastened fight on Thursday."

"You never told me," I said quietly.

"Well, I showed you it's aftermath, now didn't I?" Her eyes showed remorse.

"She blamed me for papa's death." 

My eyes softened, heart plummeting to the stomach at such a cruel act. Carried out by a mother? Unbelievable.

"Can you believe it? Me. Someone who hadn't even come out of the womb when he died, was the person she found perfectly guilty of that act? Of course, I knew how absurd that was. Something as stupid as that wasn't the thing that got me. It was the drinking."

I bit my lip, eyebrows furrowed.

"She's started to drink, Alizeh. Can you believe it? Because I still can not. She came downstairs all tipsy, her posture screamed she was a drunkard. I just don't know how I hadn't noticed it before. Maybe she had been excellent up until that point at hiding it from me. I just didn't understand. I know she's under a lot of stress, I asked her if it was the work. And then she just went wild on me. Screaming and slamming everything her hand touched. Allah, she was so drunk she couldn't even stand straight, and there she was, breaking things with all her might."