Heartbreak Girl // A.F.I

13

Kelsey's POV // San Jose, California 

I can't believe I just did that. Holy fuck. The idea of breaking up with him was always in the back of my mind, but I'd shoved it away because I thought we could always get through anything if we just talked about it. The words came tumbling out of my mouth as I realized through our argument that things weren't going to change. There is no way in the foreseeable future that it was going to change. But, that was definitely the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Saying those words broke me as soon as I said them. As soon as I realized how much I relied on him, and how much he relied on me, I realized how unhealthy it had truly become for both of us. Both of us not communicating with each other hurt both of us, and put such a strain on everything that it broke us. The amount of love I have for him is unexplainable and it probably always will be. But I think having time to grow individually and not together is the only thing that could ensure the possibility of trying again in the future, though I can't lean on the possibility that we could get back together in the future. That would make everything worse. We have to treat this as a permanent decision. It's going to hurt because he probably will not be the person I'm closest to anymore. I had to sacrifice that to make sure we didn't blow up our friendship completely and have nothing left anymore. 

We stand, still hugging, and he pulls away from me with the saddest look on his face. Don't do this to me, please. 

"Kelsey...I respect your decision and though it might take me a while to understand fully, I want you to do what's best for you because I love you. I don't want to make you hurt more than I already have, and I am really so sorry for everything I've done. Our circumstances really didn't help us, either, did they?" He says as if he read my mind. 

All I do is nod because I start crying again. He pulls me into a hug again and rests his chin on my head.

"As I said earlier, I will always be here for you whenever you need me regardless if we're dating or not. That won't ever change," He says, as we pull out of our hug once again.

"Right back at you. I mean it," I say with a sad smile. 

"Well, I can go to the boys' room for the night if you want to be alone," He says, and I nod. 

"That would probably be for the best...I'll look at booking a flight back to Connecticut for tomorrow, okay? It's not that I don't want to be around you all, it's just...I think it'll be harder for both of us, and I want you to finish out the tour without having to see me because I don't want to taint your good memories of it."

"I understand completely,"  He says, walking toward the door. 

"Goodnight, Ash," I say.

"Goodnight, Kels," He says, walking out and shutting the door behind him. I immediately begin to break down again and pick up my phone to call Jocelyn, my parents, and Molly. 

I call Jocelyn and she picks up immediately.

"Kelsey, are you okay? Luke just texted me that you and Ashton broke up," She says worriedly. Wow, word travels fast, huh?

"Yeah, I just...you know everything I've told you that I've been frustrated with over the past few weeks? It just all came together and I realized that it just wasn't healthy for either of us anymore and that we were going to ruin our friendship if we kept going like this....so the words just kind of fell out of my mouth," I say, almost dumbfoundedly. 

"Well, I mean...I guess it probably is for the best for now, given that you didn't think it would get better, and everything the fans online have been putting you through. I definitely know how hard it is, for sure. Love you Kels, if you ever need anything, you know where to reach me. We'll get through this, okay? I know this is harder than it would usually be, but you got this, okay? Are you leaving California tomorrow?" Jocelyn tells me, and shortly after, we hang up. I called my parents and told them, and not surprisingly, they were shocked. After I get off the phone, I check the time and it's almost 2 am, which means it's been almost two hours since Ashton and I talked.