Heartbreak Girl // A.F.I

17

Kelsey's POV // Uncasville, Connecticut

I open my eyes to the blinding morning sun and forget where I am for a split second until a familiar feeling washes over me. The feeling of having someone right there, with me, as I sleep. Not a new feeling by any means, but it's different just because of who it is. Ashton has an arm draped over my waist, and I very carefully roll over to look at him, trying not to wake him up. His chest rises and falls slowly, and he looks peaceful. The sense of happiness that I feel is almost ridiculous. If somebody would have told me a week ago I'd be waking up next to him today, I wouldn't have believed them. The thing is though, as weird as it sounds, I don't really think of him as my ex. Of all of the exes I've had, he's been the best, even though we had drifted apart for a while. Or maybe it's something else. I don't know. I sit up and lean my head against the wall, thinking about it all.

Everything that happened last night felt so natural and so right as if it was something we had just put a long pause on. It's probably good that we didn't see each other when he had another girlfriend, because it would've been incredibly hard for me to not have any sense of jealousy, and to not hate him for it, as bad as that sounds. But, how I've come to think and reflect on everything that happened has changed so much, and though I can't say it was exactly spectacular, I think everything that happened was totally necessary. I was not in a good headspace for something that intense and real back when I was 18, and frankly, I was shocked that I made that wise of a decision to end it before it all went down in flames. At the same time, I'm scared to totally pick it back up again. I don't know if we could recover from this a second time. I don't even know how he's actually feeling about me again. Maybe he just got caught up in the moment and doesn't want to pursue anything again, which I would understand.

I'm so deep in thought, weighing the costs and the benefits, that I jump when he touches my arm.

"Are you okay? You look worried," Ashton says as he sits up, putting his arm around me.

"Yeah, think so. I'm just thinking, that's all," I say quietly.

"What about? Is it something I can help with?" He asks, and I utter a small laugh.

"Yeah, actually. I was thinking about last night," I explain, "and what's going to happen from here, I guess." A concerned look crosses his face.

"I'm sorry if you didn't want to start anything, I just..." He starts.

"No, no. I'm happy this happened. Really, really happy. I just wasn't sure what you wanted to do from here..like I don't know if we're on the same page or not, you know?" I interrupt him before he gets the wrong idea of what I'm trying to say, and he immediately looks relieved.

"Well, I mean...I'm going to be straight up honest and say that I feel so much for you, still, and I know that it sounds crazy because it's been so long but as far as I can tell it's true. I didn't realize it before, but I sure as hell do now. This might sound bad, but I am worried that it's just a reaction to seeing you for the first time in so long... and I just don't want to assume that it's real when it's not and then hurt you all over again, you know?" He confesses. It seems that he thought about this a lot. I'm glad he's bringing it up. His honesty is so nice.

"No, yeah, I totally agree with that...literally everything I think I'd ever felt for you came rushing back right when I saw you. As genuinely strong as I do feel about you, sitting here right now, I don't think it's smart for us to jump into it without thinking, and without feeling it out before we would, I don't know, make it official again or something like that. I don't want to hurt you, either, and I just don't want to screw up what we've fixed, you know?" I explain, and he nods, looking like he's thinking again.