The Fighting

6 0 0
                                    

I was angry at him and I just wanted to be me and him again. After my confession, we stopped talking for a while because I need to get away from him and he knew it too. He was angry when I told him that I wanted space from him and he told me that he was hurt that his best friend didn't want to be friends. But what he didn't understand was that I need time to figure out me and needed to find myself again because I can hardly recognize the person staring back at me in the mirror and he doesn't understand me anymore.

He was my rock and he was there when I would go through some rough patches. I was on my bathroom floor with a razor blade on the floor tile next to me. And now that he was gone, I almost relapsed, but there I told myself that he wasn't worth the scars. He didn't know about that part because I never told him and I knew that if told him that he would be so guilty and it would crush him.

I regret that night so much and I wish that I could take back things that I said.

During summer, after my junior year of high school came to an end in June I messaged him.

'I'm sorry that I was such an asshole to you,' I told him.

He replied, 'You know I never had a friend a best friend tell me that we can't be friends anymore before it hurts it sucks I was trying to be the nicest I could be with you, but you threw it away and that what makes me mad the most that you could have said I need a break from you because I'm hurt but no you wanted to completely detach from me and not be my friend anymore and I need time too I need time to think.'

I replied, 'I push people away because I'm afraid of being broken beyond repair. When I get hurt I isolate myself to protect myself and I have been doing that for so long that it is just natural to me to break bonds I have created I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm not asking you to forgive me because I know that I don't deserve it, okay.'

He answered, 'I understand but it sucks just give me time.'

Before I knew it I could slowly feel that I was losing him. So I gave him the space that he wanted and the time to think. 

Learning To Let GoWhere stories live. Discover now