Life and its Challenges

~5~

"What was that?" FP asks. His eyes looking at me as if I were a lunatic, someone who needs to be taken care of.
"She..." I stumble on the word. Trying to find the words to describe what Toni had just told me. Was it true? Was she telling me the truth? Did Jughead enjoy her more than me? Did he moan her name as he used to moan mine? I shake my head.
"Betty, you know that you can talk to me." He says. His way of putting sentences together, his whole way of talking, his smile, it all reminds me of Jughead. I hate this more than anything.
"I'm sorry FP." I tell him. It's true, I am. I wish that I would've let him in when he came to visit. That I would've answered his texts and calls. But I couldn't deal with his pain, hell I couldn't even deal with my own. He just wanted to help.
"Sorry for what?" He asks. Like he genuinely doesn't know.
"You know, not talking to you." I say ashamed. I bite my lower lip and avoid his attempts to make eye contact with me. The sickening feeling of shame spreads through my body in waves over and over again. FP just sits there, still quiet. "He was your son and you needed me." I whisper. "I killed your son and I didn't even have the decency to give you support." He looks at me for a while. His eyebrows showing slight irritation.
"You..." He starts. "You killed him?" I nod. "What do you mean you killed him?" He sounds so confused.
"I..." I want to tell him. I feel like I can trust him enough.
"It's okay. Tell him." Jughead says. He stands in the corner of the room. Pale skin, green eyes and a beautiful raven curl resting on his relaxed face. He nods slightly. Giving me permission to tell FP.
"I...pointed at the tree, do you remember? You gave us the seeds when we were kids. I wanted to point out how much it had grown. It was my fault." My voice cracks and fades out in the end.
"Betty, you didn't kill him. That was not your fault." FP assures me.
"See? I told you. It is not your fault. And even if it was I would forgive you." Jughead tells me.
"Yes it was." I mumble.
"Betty stop." I wish he was real. "Listen to dad."
"He's lying. He just doesn't want me to feel bad." I look at Jughead. Tears threatening to stream down my cheeks.
"Betty, please don't blame yourself for this." He begs.
"Why are you even here?"
"Because you're my daughter in law. And you loved Jughead." FP explains. Unknowing of the fact that I'm talking to Jughead. Not him.
"Because you aren't ready to leave me." I want to hug him. "I'm not real. And you know it. Don't you?"
"Of course I do. You died in my arms. I know you're dead." I tell him.
"Betty?" FP asks. "Who are you talking to?" My head turns around and I look at him.
"Uhm. Just...uhm" The hell am I supposed to say now.
"You're seeing him. Aren't you?" My eyes grows wide. Has he been doing it too? "Yeah you are." I feel the terrified look spreading across my delicate face. "It's okay. I did too. In the beginning. The first week. I didn't see him. But I heard him, every second of my woke time I heard him. He told me about Forsythe, about you and him, how he was going to take you back to Hawaii so you could re-live your honeymoon. Everytime someone knocked at the door I was so...sure that he was going to stand there. Apologizing for being gone so long." FP is crying and I hug him.
"I didn't open the door when you came to visit because I was afraid to look at you" I admit. "I was afraid to see Jughead in you. Because all I wanted to do was just forget him. I wanted to forget him so the pain could disappear. I didn't open the door because I wished it was him. And if I didn't open to see who it really was...I could still pretend it was him. With wet hair from the rain, water dripping down on the floor." I take a deep breath. I loved Jughead more than life itself, more than any human being has ever loved a person, and the thought of it terrified me because I knew he had a power over me. He could break me, tear me apart, within seconds, but with him dying, he didn't break me, he killed a part of me. I am not afraid to die anymore, because I am already dead. "I love...loved him, FP." Fp nods, takes my hand, like Jughead always did and puts his arm around me.
"I know you did. And it's okay that you didn't open the door. I barely saw anyone either." I lean closer to FP. What am I going to do without Jughead?

I pick up Forsythe as he screams. His face reminds me of Jughead and his eyes are green. Like Jughead's.
"Sch..." I hush as I try to calm him. When he doesn't shut up I start to cry. "Please Forsythe, don't do this to me. Please just be quiet." I sob. "You're the only thing I have left and I...I don't know what to do so please just be quiet." I whisper. And to my surprise he actually stops crying. "I can see him in you, you know." I know he doesn't understand what I'm saying but I need to talk to someone. "It hurts me. That you look so much like him." I whisper.
"He's one handsome little guy." I keep staring out the window when I hear his voice.
"Please just go." I whisper. "You're gone. You're dead. So please just leave me alone." I sigh. And then it's quiet. I turn around and see nothing. "Thank you." My voice is so quiet it's almost non existent and I stare at the roof. How the fuck am I supposed to survive this?

————————
It's been a while since I updated but here it is. The thing is that I really don't have inspiration and I seriously don't know what's going to happen next. In the end of the day Jughead was Betty's first and maybe only love. So now that he's gone it's hard for her.

I'll figure it out though <33