Life and its Challenges

~2~

"Oh my God! What happened to her?" Cheryl whispers as if I couldn't hear her. I do though, I hear everything as loud as ever. I realize how I must look as Kevin carries me inside. Messy hair, mascara smeared all over my face, tears still dripping to the ground and with Jughead's beanie on my. "She's covered in blood!" Oh yeah, forgot that. 
"She was in an accident." Kevin says. Cheryl looks at Kevin for what feels like ages until she opens her mouth.
"Where is Jughead?" She looks at me and our eyes meet for a second until I look away. 
"He..."Kevin starts. "He didn't make it." Cheryl breathes out as if it was her last breath. 
"What do you mean?" Toni appears behind Cheryl. Apparently she went with Cheryl to drop off Forsythe. Oh my God. Forsythe. I make an attempt to stand on the ground but Kevin doesn't let me go. 
"What happened to her?" She says. 
"What do you mean?" Cheryl repeats. What the fuck do you think it means. Jughead died. 
"Jughead died at the scene." Toni makes a sound I've never heard before. She sounds like a fox. Maybe she isn't a Serpent after all. I laugh a little at my own joke. Then I climb down from Kevin's supportive arms and stand up. Every inch of me hurting in a way I've never ever felt before.

I step inside the shower and adjust the heat to the hottest possible. Even though it hurts it doesn't even come close to the pain I'm feeling inside. I can hear Kevin, Cheryl and Toni talk quietly outside. As I look down I see blood streaming from my aching body. I'm not even sure if it is my own or Jughead's. At this point I don't even care. I just want this horrible day to be over so I can forget what happened. As I soap in my body I close my eyes and try to imagine Jughead's hands touching me instead. All I can see is his body lying on the ground covered in blood. Someone knocks at the door as the person desperately tries to open the door. 
"I'm kicking it in." Kevin shouts from the other side. That's when I realize that I'm screaming. I silent my hurting throat and sit down in the bathtub. 
"There is no need Kevin. I'm done soon." He knocks gently at the door this time as to calm me. 
"You sure you're okay." Yeah Kev. I'm fine, I mean my husband died in my arms and all but I'm totally ok. 
"Yeah. I'm sure." I say. There's no need to worry him. 

I take the last step on the staircase. Kevin and Cheryl is still downstairs, both refusing to leave me alone. Toni went home a few minutes ago. I don't even know why but something made me want to slit her throat. I take slow steps toward our bedroom door, afraid that Jughead won't be in it. I put my hand on the door knob and an overwhelming feeling of fear takes over. I slowly open the door. A pair of his pants is carelessly thrown on the bed and one of his iconic S-shirts are thrown on the floor. The room smells like him and it makes me feel sick. I turn around and run into the bathroom. Bent over the toilet seat I start to cry. I throw up as I hear someone knocking at the door. Why do they always knock. Just leave me alone.
"Betty?" Cheryl is worried about me, I hear it in her voice. She has become so much nicer so  since Sophmore year. 
"Yeah?" I empty my stomach when she comes inside. 
"Oh..." She says as she sees me. "Do you need anything? Water?" I look at her. 
"No, I'm fine." She sits down besides me and I flush the toilet. 
"Betty...I'm so sorry for what happened." I look at her and see a single tear leaving her eye. 
"It's okay, it wasn't your fault." I say. It was my fault. 
"I'm staying tonight. I'll sleep on the couch." I shake my head. 
"No, Cheryl you don't have to. I'm fine." She looks at me and then on my shaky hands and back to my pale face. 
"You don't look fine." She says and I laugh. There is nothing funny with this situation but I can't stop laughing. Cheryl looks at me as if I was a lunatic. I guess I am. A loud crying makes me stop laughing. "I'll take him." Cheryl says and I nod as a thank you. She stands up and walks outside, leaving me alone. Like Jughead did. 

"I'll stay here with her." Cheryl says quietly to Kevin. 
"Thank you. I wish I could but I have loads of paper work and Fangs probably wonders where I am." I can imagine Cheryl slightly smiling when he mentions Fangs. She was the one who paired them up a year ago. 
"We should call FP too." Cheryl says. No, please don't. I can't take more people coming over to check up on me. Not when they are sad too. I lay down in our...my bed and put his beanie on the bedside table. If I go to sleep then maybe, maybe when I wake up his arms will surround me and his head will be lying on my stomach as he snores. 
"I'll do it. Stay here with her and call me if anything happens." I hear him walking through the door downstairs and then how the door closes and Cheryl sighing. I told her several times not to stay but she didn't care. A part of me is happy that she stayed but another part just wants to be alone. 

It took me hours to fall asleep and when I woke up Cheryl stood by the door. Looking at me with a tray filled with coffee, juice, bread, fruit and bacon. 
"I didn't know what you like so I made a lot of breakfast." She says, trying to hide her sadness. So it really happened. Jughead is really gone. If he wasn't then why would Cheryl be here. 
"I'm not hungry." I say. 
"Betty, you have to eat." I shake my head. 
"Just leave me alone." I feel so empty. Like all my emotions just disappeared. I like it. Not feeling is way better than feeling. 
"Betty..." She tries. 
"Cheryl, just shut the hell up and get out of my house. I never asked you to stay. Jughead died, so what? Nothing will change because of it." That was probably the biggest lie I've ever said. Everything will change because of it. 
"Betty...you are hurt and heartbroken, I get that...but" She tries again. I know she just wants to help me but she can't. 
"Cheryl, I'm fine. I'm not heartbroken. I'm not hurt...except for the bruises covering my body." I noticed them while showering. They hurt but not as much as the emptiness I feel inside. "I'm fine. Seriously." I know it doesn't sound very convincing but at this point I'm not even trying to convince Cheryl. I'm trying to convinve myself. 

"Are you sure you're ready?" Just a few minutes ago we got a call from the hospital. They wanted me to decide what to do with his body. Cheryl is ready to go and she still hasn't left my side. I nod slowly. As she sits down in the car the fear of sitting in a moving object makes me want to scream. But I keep my calm as Forsythe is in the backseat. 
"Do you think I can look at him?" I ask silently, staring out at the road in front of us. 
"Yes, if you want to." I nod. 
"That's...that's good." Now it is her time to nod. Her beautiful hair is tied in a knot and she looks pretty tired. "Cheryl," I say and she looks at me. "thank you." She smiles. "Thank you for staying yesterday, and for the breakfast. I'm sorry I was so mean. I didn't mean what I said." 
"It's okay, you're my cousin, and you needed me yesterday. Really Betty, it wasn't that hard." I look down at my hands. They're shaking and I try to make them stop. I feel so done with this whole nightmare. I'm so done with this fucking life. When we arrive at the hospital I, for the first time since the accident, take Forsythe out of the car and hold him tightly in my arms. He lights up and I smile gently as I kiss his puffy cheek. 
"You're sure you can do this?" I nod and take a step inside of the hospital.