Life and its Challenges

~7~

MAY

Since the morning I opened the door to Jughead's room I haven't entered it again. I haven't read the notebook. I put it back in its drawer and slowly walked out of the room. With much more shame in my body than before. I have barely met FP and mom either. They decided to go on a romantic trip to Europe. I think FP needed that more than anyone. He's been so helpful, he deserves some time away from this tragedy.

I put my unwashed hair in a messy bun and put on a simple shirt and a pair of jeans. I walk inside of Forsythe's room and carefully lift up his sleeping body and put him in his stroller. He's so cute when he's asleep. His eyelids flicker and I beg that he won't wake up. As I walk to the grocery store I breathe in the cold air. For a few days in April it felt as if the summer was approaching. Now it feels like the autumn ignored the lack of summer and took over. My hands are cold as I enter the grocery shop. As I get everything I need I hear a voice that makes my blood freeze as well as boil at the same time. I slowly turn around and face Toni. As her eyes meet mine she stops what she's doing. We just stand there. Staring at each other. Until she opens her mouth.
"Betty, I...I" She starts. I look at her insecure body. How her hands desperately touch each other. She looks kinda sad. Which, for a second, makes me feel bad for her. But that feeling disappears faster than Archie every time Veronica mentions the word diaper and is replaced by an intense hate. "I'm so sorry. What I said it was...it was so awful." I nod.
"Yeah. It was." I mumble without looking at her. She looks down at her feet.
"It was untrue too." She says and my eyes stare at her.
"It was?" She nods. "Then why did you lie?" She shrug.
"It bothered me that you were so mad at me." She puts her tiny hands into her pockets and I just stare at her.
"I miss him so much." I whisper. She looks up at me and smiles. Not a genuine, happy smile. More of the "I know and I feel so sorry for you but we can't really cry together cause I slept with your husband and you slapped me" smile.
"I know sweetie." Somehow her words comfort me on a much deeper level than anyone else has been able to do. She takes a few step closer to me and opens her arms. Even though she's small her hug feels like it's surrounding every part of me. I hear a silent sob from her. "I know that I have no right to be sad..." She starts but I immediately cut her off.
"Of course you do. You didn't love him as much as I did but he was your closest friend." I let her go and then look at her. "A little bit too close at one point." Her eyes widen but as she sees my smile she starts too laugh too.
"I'm sorry about that by the way." She says and I look at Forsythe who's still sleeping.
"I know. But it's time to forgive and forget."
"How old is he now?" Toni says and points at Forsythe. I give her a big genuine smile.
"He's almost five months now."
"Wow. He's grown a lot."
"He certainly has." We walk to the line together. Talking about how Toni and Cheryl are looking for a new house together.
"I know it's a lot to ask, but how about we grab a coffee or something?" Toni says. No matter what had happened in the past I need coffee and she seems okay.

"So wait, FP and Alice?" Toni laugh as I take a sip of my coffee.
"Yeah." I smile. "At least one of the Jones/Cooper love stories ends happily." The smile in Toni's eyes disappears. "It's fine. You can laugh." I say.
"What happened that day?" Toni asks and I take a deep breath. "You don't have to talk about it of course." I shake my head.
"It's fine." I say and clear my throat. "We were on our way home to Forsythe. I pointed at the tree we planted as kids." My voice breaks and I look down at my coffee. The black liquid that represents my soul better than anything right now. "And the truck came out of nowhere." I choke up and take a sip of my coffee to hide it. I try desperately to blink away my tears. "He died in my arms." I whisper. When I finally look up at Toni again I see tears falling down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry Betty." Her voice is thick with tears. I wipe away a tear myself. "I can't believe I said those things to you." That's when I realize. She didn't say them to hurt me. Not really. She said them to convince herself that he was in love with her.
"You were in love with him. Weren't you?" I whisper. Her dark eyes meet mine and in that very moment I know she was.
"I love Cheryl with every last piece of me. I really do. But Jughead and I were friends since forever. And he's always been there for me. I don't know. Maybe I was." I stare at her. Unsure of what to say next. "I know you were his soulmate. I really do. And Cheryl is mine. But you know that night, when we...well I was insecure that day." Forsythe starts crying and I take him up and into my arms.
"Hi." I sob as I gently rock him. He calms down and closes his eyes again. "Did you have a nightmare?" I whisper softly. "It's okay. I'm here now." I wipe away my tears.
"He looks exactly like Jughead." Toni say. I nod.
"You look a lot like dad. One day I will tell you about him love, but that day is not today." I kiss him carefully on his forehead. His silence turns into snores and I smile. I keep him in my arms and hold him tightly. As if someone is going to take him away from me. Even though I know no one will.
"You're good with him." I smile slightly at her.
"I am? Please tell him that in the middle of the night when he decides to stay awake for hours. It's hard being a single parent."
"I understand." She really doesn't.

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Look the bitch updated. I know it's short af but I'm running out of ideas on this one. Sorry

Lots of love, Julia