[Stucky One Shots and Drabbles]

Losing Him

A/n lol do people still read this

Also, MAJORRRRR INFINITY WAR SPOILERS!!! DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET, PLEASE I LOVE YOU

anyways.

                   What remained of the Avengers was in the large room s few feet away from where Steve stood. They were desperately trying to figure out what they were going to do now. Steve wasn't in there, though. He couldn't seem to get his brain to work properly.

      Steve stared out across the country of Wakanda. It was beautiful, but his mind couldn't focus on anything nice at the moment. He wondered if Bucky also liked to stare out across the land and take in its beauty, maybe even from the very window that Steve was looking out of.

At that thought, Steve pressed his hand to the glass window. Maybe Bucky had touched it while he'd stayed there, with his flesh hand.

Steve held back a sob at that thought. Bucky. His flesh. The mechanical part of him that Steve swore to him every day that he loved it just as much as he loved the rest of him.
Gone.
All of him.

He'd lost Bucky to what he'd thought at the time was death. It had hurt like hell to see the love of his life just fall... Until eventually, he couldn't even see him anymore. To hear the scream being ripped from his throat as he went down, down, down into the cold air, until he could hear it no more was something that haunted Steve's nightmares.

Then, Bucky was back. But he wasn't the same at all, like Steve had imagined so many times in his mind. He'd imagined being able to wrap his Bucky up in his arms and hold him close, whisper in his ear how much he loved and missed him.
Instead, he had to keep his best friend from killing him.
The frigid look in the eyes of Bucky kept Steve awake at night, wondering why this would happen to Bucky, and if death would've been a better fate for him to meet, rather than Hydra torturing him and using them as their toy assassin.

Then Bucky was gone, and Steve didn't know how to feel. Partially, he was relieved knowing that Hydra could no longer use him however they pleased, but a part of him also longed for his old friend.

When images of Bucky began popping up on the news, saying that he'd been doing terrible things, Steve refused to believe it. Even after they found Bucky, and he'd told Steve himself that he doesn't feel like he can't trust his own mind, Steve would never believe that he was the monster that some we're painting him out to be.
For a while, Steve hoped that maybe, just maybe, Bucky would stay with him this time, even if they had to go on the run together.
But no, Bucky told him that he wanted to go to Wakanda, and Steve had nodded and hoped that his best friend couldn't see the tears he was forcing back.

Then.

Thanos.

Steve was finally becoming content. He knew that Bucky was safe and working on becoming happy in Wakanda, and that made him happy. He was hoping that soon Bucky would maybe come with him.

But then he heard that there was going to be an invasion. It all moved so quickly after that, and the next thing he knew, he was on the battlefield in Wakanda, with Bucky.

As he stared out across the battlefield that they were just on, Steve thought about how things have changed. Brooklyn was once their battlefield, struggling together to make ends meet and to not go hungry.

Then they were fighting aliens who wanted to wipe out half the human race.

What blows Steve's mind this time is that... They'd lost.
Thanos won.
He wasn't used to that.
Steve was used to fighting with as much strength as his body would allow, which in the beginning, wasn't much. He was used to taking down the bullies, and never allowing them to win.

But this time.... God, Steve was still having a hard time comprehending it. It was difficult for him to fathom how half of the human race could just be... Gone. Though it's been explained to him, he still wondered how someone could have the power to do that, how that was allowed.

When he wasn't wondering that, he saw the image of Bucky, simply vanishing like he'd never been there. He heard Bucky asking, "Steve?" And the sound refused to leave his head.

Steve was crying again, tears clouding his image of the country outside the window.
He'd already broken down in his spot on the battlefield, after Bucky became a pile of dirt. He'd let out a scream because he couldn't understand why Bucky just couldn't be safe, why something was always happening to him, or why he was always being hurt. Steve  couldn't understand why it seemed like it was his fate to loose Bucky.

He doubted that he would ever understand.

Steve fell to his knees in front of the window as he began to sob. Why does this always happen? Why can't he just be with who he loves? Why can't Bucky just be happy?

And will the words that have been driving him crazy, the last words of his best friend ever stop replaying in his mind?

"Steve?"

"Steve?"

"Steve?"