Still Waters Run Deep

Chapter 9: Pain Management

Chapter 9:

Pain Management

Shortly after the police left, the doctor came into the room. He had a tense look on his face. It was a look that made Ali's heart speed up in her chest. But Emily didn't panic, because she had a feeling she knew exactly what it was about.

"I already told the nurse I don't want any more pain meds." Emily blurted out before he could scold her.

"Emily." Ali stared at her in surprise.

The fact that Emily was refusing pain meds was a revelation to her. Emily had sustained major injuries and had been in surgery for...she couldn't even remember how long. She had barely been able to hug Lily yesterday with pain meds on board. There was no way Emily wasn't in severe pain without them.

And she was right in her assumption. Emily was feeling every last bit of her injuries without the narcotics. But after the night she'd had she'd told the nurse that she didn't want another dose of the medications when the nurse came in at five that morning. Not only did they make her feel loopy and sick, she was convinced they were making her nightmares worse.

The nurse had tried to talk her out of her decision. Pam had tried, too. Both of them kept explaining that her body needed the medications to expedite her healing. But Emily still refused them. The nurse had then warned her how bad it was going to hurt without the pain medications. But Emily didn't care. Pam had finally told the nurse there was no use in arguing with her, because her daughter was a "stubborn idiot". She'd glared at Emily, clearly unhappy with her decision. Emily half expected her to take the meds from the nurse on the down-low and slip them to her when she was least expecting it, like she was a five-year-old refusing to take her vitamins.

Emily had felt it the second the medications started to wear off. Her bones, especially her broken ankle, ached so deeply and so painfully that she felt like her entire body was just one giant throbbing mess. She could feel her pulse pounding in her head. It felt like her brain was on fire. And the pressure and intensity of the pain in her stomach was the most agonizing thing she'd ever experienced.

But even the aches and pains weren't enough to convince her to take medications that would make her drift in and out of consciousness, not after the nightmares she'd had. Not after hours of not being able to wake up from her dreams because of the sedative effects of the narcotics. Not after she'd watched what happened the night of the crash over and over until she felt like scratching her eyes out. Not after waking up so disoriented and covered in sweat that she felt like she was right back at the scene of the accident. Not after she cried so hard it made her physically sick.

Her only saving grace had been her mother, but even Pam's presence hadn't been enough to ward off her grief. So when she felt the meds starting to wear off she made the choice...no more. She wouldn't go through another night like that. She couldn't be paralyzed like that in her nightmares. She had to know that she could wake up if she needed to.

She was slowly starting to get used to the pain. She knew it wouldn't last forever. Physical pain wasn't bad. It was emotional pain that could wreck someone. She was great at hiding both.

She saw the wheels turning in Ali's head. She could see the instant when Ali mentally started kicking herself for not realizing she was in pain the second she'd walked in. Emily saw a brief look of anger in her deep blue eyes, because how could her wife be so stupid?

Emily knew exactly what Ali was thinking: that she had argued yesterday that the reason she didn't care if anyone stayed was because she'd be on pain meds and she'd just be sleeping the entire time. Emily could see that Ali was fuming. But seconds later that anger washed away and was replaced with sympathy, because she suddenly realized that Emily was in pain. And she couldn't stand that. Emily could feel the concern radiating off of Ali. Before Ali could say anything, Emily offered an explanation,