Chapter 21:
Calling the Shots
Emily woke up three times in the middle of the night. The first two times she shot out of a deep sleep shaking so much that she woke Ali up. Ali was curled up against Emily's body, sandwiched in between the back of the couch and Emily's side. Her cheek was resting on Emily's chest so she could feel the rise and fall of each of her breaths. The first time Emily woke up Ali felt Emily's body jerk as she inhaled a sharp breath.
"Hey, you awake?" Ali lifted her head to look at her.
Emily blinked sleepily and then closed her eyes again.
The second time, Ali felt Emily jerk and kick her legs. Ali started to sit up and was getting ready to open her mouth and ask if she was okay, but when she looked at her, Emily was slowly closing her eyes again.
"Just rest, Em," Ali said softly, rolling her fingertips against Emily's arm. "You need to rest, sweetie."
Emily's mouth moved like she wanted to say something, but then she turned her head and grimaced. The events of the day had exhausted her brain. Even though she was restless, she fell back asleep very quickly. She wasn't coherent. The brief time she was awake it was like a fugue dream state. So she didn't hear Ali's soft loving words. She didn't feel Ali's fingers delicately brushing her cheeks to try and lull her back to sleep. She didn't feel it when Ali got off of the couch and left to go get a washcloth. Ali came back with a bowl of warm water mixed with lavender oil. She put the bowl down and then put the washcloth in the bowl.
Ali sat down on the edge of the couch next to Emily. She could see the subtle motion of Emily's head moving side to side. It was so slight that she almost missed it. She felt Emily's fingers twitching against her thigh and she looked down and saw Emily's hands lightly tremoring.
"Don't," Emily muttered.
Ali looked back at her face expecting her to be awake, but Emily was just talking in her sleep.
"Please..." Emily cried under her breath.
"Shh." Ali tried to settle her.
It wasn't nearly as bad as the nights Emily couldn't breathe or the nights that she cried out for Grace. But it was still worrisome. She took a moment to appreciate the fact that Lily had wanted to stay at the Fitz's house. She didn't need to see her mother like this.
Ali traced her thumbs across Emily's cheeks, wiping away the sweat coating her face. Emily's skin was cool and clammy. Her nervous system was working on overdrive. Ali put her palm against the side of Emily's neck, pushing her thumb against her pulse point. She grimaced when she felt how fast it was going. Her heart was slamming against her ribcage, even when she was resting.
She wasn't sure what had triggered Emily's anxiety and caused her to go into a full blown panic, but her emotional outburst had really tired her wife out. It was hard on both of them, but Ali had gotten used to Emily's panic attacks. She knew that her bouts of PTSD came in waves. Sometimes it was mild, something easily controlled, like the shakes...something she could be talked down from. Other times, like tonight, there were full explosions of violent emotional outbursts that took her breath away and left her nearly catatonic. Those were the times that Ali couldn't reach her. And it frustrated her to no end.
It was hard to watch Emily suffer through it, but Ali knew there was nothing she could do. It was up to Emily. All Ali could do was let her ride it out. She just had to make sure that she was in the driver's seat so Emily wouldn't steer herself over a cliff, which Ali feared Emily was dangerously close to doing.

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Still Waters Run Deep
FanfictionThere are moments in life that alter the very essence of a person's soul. For the DiLaurentis-Fields family, one moment changes everything. One moment tests Alison and Emily and their family in ways they never could have imagined. Will the waves dra...