So We Had an Affair: A Confessional

You Can Find Me

Lin kissed my shoulder then kissed my hair and pulled me closer. I never dreamt of sleeping with Lin but once we started it seemed all of our private run ins ended with us naked in each other's arms. A movie was playing but we barely paid attention to it. I looked up at Lin. His chest was rising and falling quickly as his heart beat rapidly still coming down. He was looking in the direction of the tv but didn't seem to be paying it any true attention.

"What's on your mind?" He asked me. When I didn't answer he looked down at me. I felt myself start to well up with tears. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry..."

"For what?"

"I was awful to you for what Vanessa had said to me. I'm sorry." I said as tears streamed down my face. Lin sat and pulled me onto him so that I was straddling him. He wiped my tears away then pulled me in for a tender kiss. He stopped kissing me but stayed close to my face.

"You don't need to apologize. Just promise me one thing," He whispered.

"Anything."

"Don't hide anything from me. I want to be present and help you in any way possible." He spoke sincerely. My mind flashed to Anthony. 'Should I tell him about Anthony? He hasn't made me do anything yet, so I'll just keep this to myself.' I nodded but said nothing until I felt Lin's excitement grow against me.

The next day was our second to last day of filming. I got through the difficult part with ease and grace. The whole cast cheered as I got through it. Lin and I shared our first public smile to each other. We would meet one last time before we could return to our respective homes.

"Y/N!" I turned around to see Daveed walking over. We high fived one another.

"Wassup?"

"Yo, so since our last night here together the whole cast and crew wants to go out together."

"That sounds great! I'm in."

"That's wassup! I'll text you the details?"

"Oh, I don't have your number."

"I'll give it to you." I handed him my phone.

"Yo, give her what? What're we talking about?" Anthony interrupted. I threw him a hard look.

"Sup, Ant. Y/N is coming out with us tonight. You still in?" Daveed said unfazed.

"Of course!" Anthony snaked an arm around my waist. "I wouldn't miss out on hanging out with this one."

"Uh, okay then I will expect you both." Daveed handed me back my phone with his name saved in it. Daveed walked away with a wave. I turned to Anthony.

"What was that?"

"Hmm?" He played dumb.

"Did you just try to stop Daveed from giving me his number?"

"No..." He said at first, "Maybe just a little..."

"Ugh, what do you even want?"

"Well, you heard about the cast and crew going out right?"

"Yes?"

"Good. We are going together."

"But I-"

"What?" He lowered his voice, "Were you going to check if Lin is going?" I swallowed and remembered why I was not ripping out his throat.

"Screw you." I said quietly.

"If I could only be so lucky..." He whispered in my ear. I left the set with Kendall close by. He had barely spoken to me outside of professional reasons since I had told him about Lin. I figured knowing too much put him off, but I didn't push for conversation. I let him know that I was planning on going out later. He nodded and didn't say anything else. We ran into Lin on our way up. Lin offered a polite smile to us.

"The cast and crew are going out tonight. Will you be joining?" I asked him. It was nice to breathe and just speak to Lin.

"No, I have to prep to leave for tomorrow but have fun for me too while you're out." He said with a smile.

"Count on it. I can't wait to relax a bit."

"Hey, you earned it, champ." We smiled at each other. Kendall cleared his throat.

"This is our floor." Kendall said with a tight smile. Lin and I silently said our goodbyes. Kendall and I parted ways with an awkward wave. 'I should probably pack to leave as well. This is the longest job I've done in a while.' I packed and put my outfit for later out on the couch. Around dinner time, a knock came from my front door. My heart dropped into my stomach. It was Vanessa.'What? Was my day going too well?' She stood outside my door with a polite smile and a bag in hand.

"Hey." She said as I stood frozen. "Can I come in? I brought dinner. You still like tacos and rice right?" My heart was pounding so loudly in my ears I barely heard myself invite her in. She came in and placed the bag on the table. I got some plates and glasses. We ate in silence. 'I wonder if she poisoned the tacos and I'm never going to leave this room?' Vanessa took a sip of water. I followed.

"Thanks. That was really tasty." I said quietly.

"No problem." She smiled.

"Authentic?"

"Yeah. Mama Salvera's actually."

"Ooh, Mama's? Always a good choice." I said trying to fill the emptiness but failing.

"I bet you're wondering why I'm here..." She finally said.

"Well, yeah... I mean just a little..." I said as I shuffled a grain of rice around on my plate.

"I'm sorry." My neck should have snapped from how quickly I turned to look at her. 'Am I dreaming?'

"What?" was all that managed to tumble out of my mouth.

"I shouldn't have attacked/accused you the way that I did. I also should have told Lin."

"You told him?" I pretended to not know.

"By the way, thanks for not telling him."

"I didn't do it for you." I looked away from her.

"I know you said you won't return but could you reconsider?"

"Is that why you came here?"

"I'm pregnant. I haven't told Lin yet." I definitely heard everything crash in my head. "I might need an extra hand with two mini Mirandas. Just consider it before you say no." She got up and left.