Hate Thy Neighbor (A Palestinian's fight against the world)

7 Nothing Forgotten : Nothing ever will

That's when I first saw her, on the floor, drenched in blood of a man whom I believed was her father.

As the only child of Zionist parents, I knew what should be my path though I briefly rebelled against it. Yes, I had values. I protested for rights of people. I protested for abuse and torture of prisoners. I got involved in campaign for protecting women. I stood up for rape victims. And now when I think of all that I did, and all what I believed at one point of time when I believed I could make the world a better place, I am filled with shame. Because I was the same person I was once fighting unknowingly. Somehow, I don't like to think of those idealistic person who was once filled with optimism. This is me and the world has to deal with me now.

My contemporaries and friends of dad are all elite Zionists who were much different than me as children. I could never relate to them due to my conflict of interests. They were sent on trips to Israel and given first hand experience of torture and even got involved in them. So, for them every Palestinian is a number, a threat, an animal who should be stripped off from all rights especially the right to live. How I differ from them is, I believe they are animals to be wiped off from Israel not because I hate them as a race but I want to make money over their graves. And the first step of this started with Hayah.

I failed dad in many missions especially in west bank and Gaza. I was given all the IDF army at my disposal to kill anyone I like and do whatever I want. All I had to do previous times were to get rid of the people from their homes. I thought that was easy until I really got in to do the job. Though my upbringing made it easy for me treat Palestinians nothing short of how I would handle some cattle, a small part of me didn't like the concept of forcefully taking their homes no matter what right we have on the land. Literally all the Gaza land are given to my father to take and what he pleased. So couple of times I failed dad and that is when I was given an ultimatum to toughen up or leave.

I still remember the conversation I had with my parents.

"Brad, you have bought nothing but humiliation to me and mum" dad called me to his study on that fateful day.

"Dad, I am doing everything I can. Sometimes it takes time especially when we are dealing with people" I tried to explain to him.

"I told you before and I am telling you again. Kill one of them, and see if they back off. If not kill as many as it takes until they give in. You are not suppose to deal with them. You are suppose to do what I ask you to do"

"I understand your stance dad. And I know the need you have to get the work done on time. But killing people isn't going to solve problem at hand. And I don't want unnecessary killing"

Little did I know voicing such opinion even to my dad would ultimately get me where I never thought I would find myself in. Dad looked at me with disgust.

"I am sworn to take all land that is being used by Palestinians, and trust me, your life is insignificant compared to the price I will have to pay otherwise" he said finally, shocking me.

I knew mom and dad never really loved me in the sense of how normal children loved by their parents. I accepted it long ago. But finally to hear that he would go to the extend of just killing me to get what he wants didn't sink well with me.

"I have spoke to Hanson. You know him. He will handle this situation for you. Go to him" he commanded me.

"Why should I go to him?"

"Because you are incapable of doing things on your own. Now leave"

That is how I ended up in Gaza a month before the "Great March"

And Silvia's dad Ford Hanson, came in to greet me when I came to his house. That is when I met Silvia after our initial interaction as children. She was training for IDF.