Hate Thy Neighbor (A Palestinian's fight against the world)

17 Blow the brain to pieces

Hayah is beautiful. I knew it before but I saw it myself now.

Last night I was not in the right mind to admire or appreciate beauty, but today when I woke up, and when I saw her hair little messed up, no make up and slender self staring at me confused, I felt awkward, weird and above all a little lustful. She was silent for sometime, and I couldn't find anything to say either.

"Coffee?" she asked.

"Yes, without milk" and she ran away like the house was on fire. I sat on the bed, and wondered what just happened. Memories of last night keep flooding in. I need to get away from here.

I saw Hayah coming out of the washroom, with the black abaaya and head cover. She still didn't look directly  in my eyes or asked me out, and I don't know if it is good or bad.

As soon as she came out, I went to the washroom and freshened myself as well. I felt like a teenager who doesn't want to face someone for he feels guilty of something. But I am neither a teenager nor someone who did anything to feel guilty.

Hayah was done with the coffee when I went to the kitchen.

"What happened?" I asked her. That is why I came down, after all. Right?

"I came from work and I saw a silicon doll, a small boy, like the size of Musa. He was shot on the chest exactly where Musa was shot, bleeding in my door step" she said trying to control the horror image.

I can feel my migraine return. It always does when I am too stressed.

"Have you got a CCTV outside the house?" I asked her.

"No"

"What sort of a woman are you? Your house is full of cameras. And nothing outside?"

she looked guilty. And I felt sorry for being rude.

"Hayah, come. Sit" I told her pointing the seat beside me. She didn't look at me nor came forward.

"If I want to harm you, I would have done it already. Please, come here" I told her.

"Thank you for whatever you did last night. I don't remember what happened but I knew you were there" she said while tears were pouring down her cheeks and she was slightly trembling. I got up, and reached her. She didn't pull away or reacted in anyway, I am sure due to her mental trauma and the image she saw yesterday. I took her hands in mine. But she pulled it away.

"I want my son back" she said crying and I could feel tears in my eyes.

"I would trade my life and bring him back if I could" I told her and embrace her, and let her cry again as much as she wants, while I cried my own tears.

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I think I slept again and luckily this time alone on sofa. I am not ashamed to admit that I have anxiety. It is more like post traumatic stress. I use to deal with it all alone, but I never knew even having the enemy beside makes such a lot of difference. I hate my episodes. But Brad kind of woke me up. He was on the phone for sometime with someone I felt. I didn't hear any thing they spoke.

"Are the camera still working and live streaming from inside, as we speak?" He asked urgently. I was not feeling comfortable the way he asked me. Of course it is. So I nodded.

"And still, it has voice recognition and you can send whatever you want to anyone you wish?" he asked me again, and yes, it has. It has voice commands. So I nodded again. If he is trying to be too smart, next thing he would know will be his name drag through the gutters.

But rather than looked relieved. And he mouthed 'trust me' and then hell started breaking loose.

Someone either shot or blew open my door. Next thing I know is, I am on the floor with a gun pointed towards my head, and they had Brad tasered and almost paralyzed. My initial reaction was Brad did this, but the way he was treated, I think back of my mind I knew who it was. I started to scream but immediately the man pointing the gun warned me.