Lost In Pain

Chapter 2

A soft feeling started at my arms and stopped above my hip.
'Don't fucking touch me!' I yelled out of nowhere. No one was in the room. It was my imagination. But as soon as I yelled I heard people coming.
I looked around me. Confused. I saw myself wearing a shirt that wasn't mine. Soon I realized it was a boys shirt.
'Ah hell no', I took the shirt off and sat in the bed without shirt. My arms crossed.
I still heard footsteps but they were in the other rooms. Coming closer. I threw the sheet off of me and placed my feet on the ground. Cold.
I didn't heard someone coming in.
'You should lay a little longer...', A soft cracky voice said. It came from the corner of the room.
I Looked at my pale scarred legs and said: 'I don't think you get to say what I need to do.'
I tried to stand up but fell immediately back down. Right before I was about to hit the bed I felt a big hand holding my back.
'Don't..', My voice died away. Abruptly I turned my head and stared straight into a pair of shiny brown eyes.
I slowly sat down. He took his hand away and looked out the window. 
'You're the girl who ran away.' He stared into nothing and than looked at me. 
I tried to avoid crossing his look. I could feel him trying to look in my eyes and of course after a few times he actually looked me in the eyes.
'You have pretty eyes.' 
My head turned to him. 'I know.' I said. I didn't.
He walked my way and stopped in front of me. 'I'm Shawn',
His hand was reached out to me but I didn't shake it.
'I know.'
I looked down at the bandages around my arm and started them ripping off. All at once.
'Stop it. You're hurting yourself!' He wrapped his fingers around my wrists.
I pulled away. 'Let me go! I want to see my scars. I need to see them.'
He rubbed with his thumb over the bandages. Slowly taking them off. As soon as they were gone I pulled my arms close to me. I took the marker that laid on the table next to the bed.
'I want to be alone. I'm not even going to ask what you're doing in my room. Just leave.'
Just with that he left. I looked at all my scars. Covering my whole body. I saw a particular one and made a flower of it. That's how I started. I made for every scar a drawing. Flowers, animals, plants, people. My whole body was covered in drawings. Not even a single scar was visible anymore.
I putted my clothes on and left.
Didn't need to pack anything because I had nothing. Didn't need to wait for anyone because I'm alone. Without looking back, I left.
Right into the city.
The lights were shining bright. The air was blue. A beautiful day. 

As I walked further it started raining. It's weird how fast it from sun to raining goes. I didn't cover my head. I love the rain. It matches my feelings. Mostly.
I walked through the streets of the not so active anymore, New York. I was alone. The rain dripped on my forehead. It felt cold but good.
The black ink from my drawings dripped away. But in that moment I dindn't really care. There was almost no one in this street and I felt happy. 
I laid my jacket on the ground and sat down on it. My eyes were closed as I listened to the rain. I love this sound. Even though I was like a homeless person right now, I did feel happy. 
My mind drove off. Thinking about all things that aren't important. And in that moment I realized that I never wanted to go 'home'. I want to be indepent.
I opened my eyes and saw someone sitting in front of me. The same sweet brown eyes as before stared at me.
Again I closed my eyes. I softly whispered: ' Leave'
I opened them again to see a sweet smile in his face. It was that Shawn guy again. Stalker.
'You're following me.' I stared straight for me.  Avoiding eyecontact.
I heard him laughing. 'No, I saw you and wanted to come sit with you.'
'I can take care of myself you know.' Our eyes locked for a short minute.
He smiled sweet at me. 'I know', he said. 
I stayed silent and so did he. 
'I still don't know your name', he looked at his hands.
I wiped the wet hair in front of my eyes back after my ears and said: ' Yeah, I want to keep it that way',
He took some food out of a bag and gave it to me. 'In case you're hungry.'
'You're not going to poison me, are you?' I looked down at the bag. It's actually really sweet that he gave it to me. 
He looked at me. Scanning my body but it kinda scared me how he got  focused on my eyes.
'I actually am. Just eat', A smile appeared on his face. So did on my face. A really small one. 
We ate in silent when suddenly I heard him whisper:' I knew you could smile',
'Shut up. You ruined it', We both tried to keep a straight face but suddenly we bursted out in laughter.
'I love seeing you smile.' Shawn was admiring me. Yeah, he really was ruining the moment.
I putted my cap back on.
'Stop doing that, Shawn Peter Raul Mendes!', I do know his full name because of Lily. And I like the sound of Peter Raul. It's different and not ordinary.
'Stop what?', The smile was still on his face. We stayed quiet. 
Birds whistle. The rain stopped and the sun came through. 
'By the way, what are you doing here all alone?' his voice was soft. 
My hands were cold so I hid them underneath my hoodie. 'What am I not doing all alone here.'
After I said it I realized how wrong that could sound. 
Shawn looked on his watch. He sat straight and said: ' I need to go. Why don't you come with me?'
I shook my head. 'Nah', was the only thing I said. He stood up. That made me realize how tall he really was. My short ass sat there like a little child. 
'Well, bye then?'
I didn't look at him. 'Just leave', I said. I sounded rude but I didn't mean it that way. I just don't like goodbyes. 

As soon as I couldn't see him anymore, I left. The whole day I wandered around in the streets. I had no money left. But because of Shawn I did have food. 
Right now there was a beautiful sunset. It was a beautiful evening. Such a shame no one could enjoy this with me.
I walked further between the beautiful city lights and the sunset. Soon it went dark. Even though I didn't have money, I went into a cafe. It wasn't that busy and it also wasn't very known. 
I went straight to the toilets to clean myself up. I washed all the dried ink stains from my body. 
When I got out of the bathroom, I went straight to the bar. 
A young looking man next to me said:' Get the girl a drink, I'll pay.' 
I smiled to him and he started talking to me. The whole time he was talking to me but the only reason I stayed was because he paid for my drinks. After a few drinks I've found the nerve to step away from him. I went to sit on a table in the corner. I felt a bit tipsy but it felt good. 
In the corner of my eye I saw someone looking at me. I turned my head to see. Shawn. What on earth was he doing here? Maybe he really was following me. 
I looked straight into his eyes. He looked straight into mine. We didn't break our eyecontact. Someone brought me another drink and without looking what it was I drank it in one gulp. 
It felt like a moment from in the movies when you're staring at each other for a long time. 
Suddenly Shawn left the cafe without looking back. I couldn't help but follow him. I made my way behind him, through the crowd of the busy New York. He was unrecognizable with his cap on. I was following him into a high building. 
He took the stairs and disappeared in the building. I was guessing on wich floor he would be. 
Fourth. My guess was right. 
On the end of the hallway I saw him turning into a room. I had a feeling that he knew I was following him.
Slowly I walked my way to his room. The door was wide open so I went inside. 
Shawn was looking outside the window, his back was turned to me. 
I slammed the door shut behind me. He turned around and came my way. I was caught up in the moment. Felt attracted to him and I guess he had the same feeling about me. 
With one simple movement I took my hoodie off. I stepped closer to him and laid my hands on his cheeks. I pulled him down until he was on my height and pressed my lips on his.
It was so wrong and I definitely wasn't in love with him but in that moment it felt right.
Stupid alcohol.
He pulled my shirt off while we kept kissing. We walked back and I laid on the bed. His body was above mine. I pulled off his shirt. We kept kissing.
I felt his warm hands on my bare skin. Slowly he pulled down my pants. For the first time I didn't care about the scars. He had already seen them. 
I wrapped my arms around his neck and enjoyed the moment. Our bodies were pressed against ach other. I couldn't deny that he was hot.
He placed soft kisses in my neck, slowly going down to my belly. Our breathes almost felt rythmic. We both went down under the sheets. And I think it's pretty obvious what happened underneath those sheets...