Lost In Pain

Chapter 5

Everything around me started shaking. I looked down at my hand but couldn't see clear. My sight turned upside down and suddenly I passed out.

Hours later I woke up in an unknown room.
I stared at the ceiling. A tear fell on my cheek. Just one.
I didn't move or say anything. I felt weird.
And even though there were a lot of people around me, I felt more lonely than ever.
I felt someone grabbing my hand. I pulled back.
Slowly I turned my head to the side and the tear rolled on my pillow.
A pair of sweet looking brown eyes looked at me. I didn't feel it. I didn't feel the spark. It was gone. Just like every other feeling inside my body.
I turned away from him, to the other side when I saw a small note under the bed.
I reached for it an read what was written on it:

'I know you ran away with him. Don't think you're safe now. You only made it worse.'

One loud and clear scream came out of my throuth. Then I heard my own crying. Loud and hysterical.
'No..No, don't', I whined to myself.
Shawn grabbed my wrist.
'Magalie, please...',
Again I pulled away.
'Don't. Just don't.'
He looked worried at me.
'I'm sorry I can't stay calm and be your perfect little girl. My whole family burned down four years ago. I still have traumatic moments when I see fire. My best and only friends dies. And I am getting fucking death threats. I'm sorry I can't stay happy or calm. But if this is what life is for me than I quit. I'm tired of pretending I'm okay when I'm not.
And I am really sorry I'm not a little innocent princess.'
With that said I broke down. The tears streamed down my face. Beautiful sadness.
Shawn just stared into the distance. This must be a lot to progress.

After a few minutes of deadly silence Shawn sat down on the bed.
He hesistated but after all he did ask me.
'Look, there's this party and I know you're totally not in the mood but would you want to come with me? Maybe you can get it all out your head for a moment. I totally understand if you don't want to go.'

I thought about it. Maybe it isn't that bad to get away from everything for a while.
I nodded at him.
'I'll come with you', I tried forcing a smile but it didn't feel right.
He smiled sweet.
I don't get it. How does he not hate me. I've been such a bitch to him.
I stepped out of the bed, still felt a bit dizzy.
He held his hand in front of me and helped me get out.

I looked at the time. Already evening.
Shawn went to the bathroom and got dressed. But I really wasn't in the mood for dressing up so I stayed in my skinny jeans and hoodie.
'Are you ready?' Shawns head popped out of the bathroom door. I nodded at him and he went back in to finish whatever he was doing.
I heard footsteps on the hallway and went to look. In front of the door stood a young guy.
'Miss Magalie?'
I nodded and he gave me a letter.
'Looks like someone wants your attention.' In the corner of the letter was a small heart. I took it inside and slammed the door at the young man.
I locked myself in the toilet and started reading.

"Seems like you have a big opportunity to hurt Shawn. You do it or I will."

Half an hour later we sat in the the car. We were silent because I didn't want to say much.
I stared out of the window while thinking about the threats I've been getting. these little notes are everywhere.
I felt a touch on my arm. Immediately I turned my head. Shawn was looking at me?
'Are you okay?'he looked worried.
I looked at him then turned to the window and back to Shawn.
'I'm good. Thank you.' A small unsure smile appeaed on my face.
We drove further into the city when suddenly a lot of people were walking down the street. I knew we were getting close.
The car stopped and someone let us out.
I hid behind Shawn. He was tall enough.
We walked inside and of course a lot of people wanted to take pictures with him. So pretty soon I lost him. The only way I knew was to the terrace. It was a huge villa with way too many rooms.
I made my throught the crowd and pushed myslf to the terrace.
It was empty so I walked to the corner and looked at the skyline. The silence felt good. Comforting.
'What is a young, pretty girl doing here all by herself?' A voice sounded from behind me.
'Pretty, my ass. I look like shit.' I turned my head and saw a young looking guy smiling.
'Honestly, yeah, you do look like shit.' We both laughed and he took his hand through blonde hair.
He stood next to me with his hands on the railing.
'Nice view.'
I faced my head to the city lights and said: 'Pervert much.'
He laughed it off.
'I meant the city.'
I held my sleeve in front of my mouth. 'Rude.'
I took my hood off and revealed my dark raven hair.
For a minute my thought went to Lily.
I felt myself having a hard time breathing properly.
The guy laid his hand on my back. It was a friendly touch.
'Are you okay?'
Shawn also asked that before.
I looked at him. 'Yeah, fine.'
He laughed.
'Clearly not. But I won't judge. I'm just a stranger.'
I chuckled at my own thoughts. But than I spoke them out loud.
'Yeah, a stranger. Like a twenty year old guy with the mind of a sixty year old dude.'
The guy laughed.
'I don't even want to know', he said.
We both laughed. I enjoyed talking to him.
'So Blackie, may I know your name?' He smiled at me.
'Blackie?'
He took my hair in his hand. 'Because of your hair.'
'Isn't that like racism or something?' I asked.
He smiled. He removed his hands and looked me straight in the eyes.
'Do you feel harassed by it?'
I turned my head to the city and said: 'No.'
He turned around and rested his back onto the railing.
'Than it's not racist.'
He was faced against the builiding. I was faced against the city. Two totally different persons. But there was a connection. A strong one.
'I like the way you think.' I said to him.
He turned his head and faced me instead of the building.
'I like your humour.' He turned his head back to the building.
My body moved so I was turned to him.
'My humour', I said ,' I only do sarcasm.'
He laughed. His laugh revealed dimples in his cheeks.
'That's exactly what I mean.'
He turned to me with his arm leaning on the railing. For a single second our fingers touched.
He felt it too because his face made a weird look. Weird but cute.
I walked closer to him and so did he. My eyes were focused on his hazel eyes. They're beautiful.
Our bodies were pressed next to each other and without further thinking I grabbed his shirt and pulled his face in front of mine. I pressed my lips on his and he went on with it. I grabbed his hair and rubbed my hands through it.
Slowly I pulled back. We smiled at each other and I saw his red cheeks.
He took my hand and led me through a secret hall of the house. We went into a bedroom and went on with the kissing. I pulled his shirt off. He wasn't really muscular but had a nice body though.
After taking off his shirt I took off my hoodie.
His breathing was fast. His chest went up and down and I focused on the rythm.
Slowly his hand slid under my shirt. At first I let him do it. But after a few minutes I couldn't anymore.
I pushed his arm away and I stepped back.
'I can't. I'm sorry.'
I smoothed my clothes and pulled my hoodie back on.
'It's okay. Don't worry', he had a sweet look on his face. Sweet and innocent.
He was about to say something else but before he could finish I ran out of the room.
I heard him following behind me but when I arrived in the overcrowded living room I lost him.
Somewhere in the distance I saw Shawn. He waved at me and started making his way over. As fast as possible I tried to get away but I just couldn't get through the crowd.
Because of all the emotions going on in my head I started crying.
Shawn was almost with me when suddenly I felt an arm around my waist.
'Hey what's going on? Are you okay?' The blonde guy looked worried.
Shawn stopped in the middle of it and the crowd started making a circle around us. The floor between us was empty.
Shawn looked at the way the blonde guy was holding me and I could just tell he was kind of jealous. But more like hurt or broken.
I pulled myself out of the grip and faced Shawn.
'I'm not even sorry, Shawn. You left me in a difficult time like this. You know what I'm going through but still you left me alone.
You're just another teen idol thats too caught up in a world that isn't reality. You dont know what life is and you never will. Because everything will alway be perfect for you.' I was yelling through the whole living room and I realized that everyone went silent. The tears streamed down my face. I looked at him one last time and spurted away.
The cold air did good. I needed to get fresh air. Everything was too much to take right now.
But I know I made a big mistake on blaming Shawn. It wasn't his fault. It was mine. I am horrible.

As I walked down the empty cold streets I found a paper in my pocket.
How did I not notice before?
I opened the note and read the handwriting.

'Well done, Mags. I am proud'