Lost In Pain

Chapter 7

We laid in the cold sand. My head on Shawn's lap. His fingers were playing with my hair.
I looked up and caught him staring at me.
'Remember when you ran away at the Meet and Greet?' He pressed his lips on my forehead.
'I am truly sorry.' We laughed together. 
I wrapped my arms around Shawn's neck and pulled him so close that our lips could touch.
'You know in the hospital when I kissed Nate?' He nodded without showing any emotion. 'It wasn't because I was more in love with him. It was because I didn't remember him. I remembered us and our little history. But the parts with Nate are gone. I did it because I thought it was something new. I'm sorry.'
Shawn stroke my chin and kissed me slow.
'I'm glad you told me. But if you can't remember him, I guess you also can't remember our fight. I mean it wasn't really a fight, you were just really mad at me.'
I shook my head. 'It's all a blur inside my head.' I said while pointing to my head.
He smiled and we both went silent.
I watched the waves from the water and wished I could just run into the water. All by myself. But I kind of have a feeling I'll never be able to walk properly again. The doctor even said that there's a chance of eternal damage.
'I jumped off a bridge.' I blurted out.
Shawn turned his head to face me.
'What did you say?' He asked worried.
'I said I jumped off a bridge. That's how I got in the hospital.' Shawn's eyes went wide and he shook his head like he didn't understand it at all. The confused look on his face was adorable
'You should have seen that coming. The only thing I needed to actually do it was alcohol.' I avoided his eyes. Too embarassed to face him.
'I'll probably will never be able to walk properly again.' There was a silence. I guess it was a lot to take in all at once.
'I'm sorry. I should have seen it coming but still I didn't protect you.' Shawn also avoided eye contact.
I grabbed his chin and turned his head so he would look in my eyes. He kept trying to turn his head and I saw a tear in the corner of his eyes.
'Hey Shawn, look at me.' He faced me while the tear fell down. I wiped his cheek dry.
'Don't ever blame yourself for this.' I gently pressed my lips on his.
'I don't deserve you.' He whispered. I felt his lips moving while brushing against mine.
'If there's on of us who doesn't deserve the other person, it's definitly me. You have been there for me since the first minute we met even when I acted horrible towards you.'
He smiled weak and tried to cover his sadness.
'Don't cover your tears.' I crawled up against his chest. Shawn helped me pulling my legs in. It felt weird that I coudn't exactly feel my legs. But I guess I would get used to it.
He rubbed his hand over my arm and I couldn't help but shiver.
Shawn slowly laid me down in the sand. He leaned over me and played with my hair.
'I've never seen you so happy. It suits you.' His pure smile gave me a strange feeling. In a good way of course.
I felt his warm breathe on my skin.
We locked lips and didn't let go for awhile. He slid his hand under my shirt and his fingers traced the figures on my skin.
'We're still in public you know?' I laughed while our faces were still really close.
He got off of me and laid down next to me. It was a peaceful day.
I grabbed his hand and held it strong.
'I don't want this moment to end.' I turned my head and watched him. I appreciated him. The way he looked in the sky was so precious.
'It doesn't have to end.' After he talked he turned his head and we stared straight into each others eyes.
'Let me take you somewhere.' His eyes were shining bright.
'A private place?' I laughed and he smiled.
'You aren't really subtle are you?'
It felt like time froze when he smiled.
He stood on his feet and took me in his arms. Even though I almost couldn't walk I did like how he took me in his arms.
We walked to the wheelchair and I saw something wasn't right.
The seat of the chair was stabbed with a knife and the tires were punctured.
Under the knife was a paper.
Shawn bowed over so I could reach it.
My heart was racing in my chest and my hands were shaking like crazy.
While Shawn held me strong with one arm as I leaned on his legs. He folded his other hand around my shaking hands. It comforted me.
Slowly I unfolded the paper.
It looked like it was written in a hurry. Almost unreadable.

I WARNED YOU.

The words kept repeating in my head.
'Don't let it get to you.' His voice sounded far away.
Shawn looked around. Searching for anyone who could have done it.
While he wasn't paying attention I took the knife out of the seat and putted it in my sweater. I need to be prepared if I'll get attacked. And I have a feeling it'll be soon.
It seemed like our special moment came to an end. Thanks to this asshole who's threatening me.
'Let's go home. Andrew had a nice house arranged for us.'
Before I knew we walked away from the beach. Leaving the wheelchair behind. Shawn was talking to me but I didn't pay attention to anything he said.
On the way to the house we fell into silence. The whole drive I hadn't said anything at all.
'Are you okay?' He lowered his voice.
I heard him say it but it didn't reach my brain. I was lost in my thoughts.
'Magalie?'
Abrubtly I turned my head. I just stared at Shawn without saying anything.
'Are you okay?' He repeated himself.
I was watching the driveway as I said: 'Fine.'
Shawn pulled the car to the side.
'You're not fine.'
I glared at him.
'What do you expect me to say! Like you can do anything at all!' I yelled at him. After I was done there was a deadly silence.
'You can stay away from me.' My head was turned to the window. I didn't want to face him.
'You don't want that.' His voice was so soft and gentle. It made me shiver.
'Let me out of the car.' My voice sounded possesed. It didn't sound like me at all.
'Magalie, where are you going? You can't walk.'
I gave him a threatening look.
'I can. Open the damn door.'
Shawn's finger pressed a small button and unlocked the door. I opened the door and he just watched me.
I placed my unsteady feet on the floor.
Slowly I pulled myself up against the car. I walked away.
The first three steps went fine but suddenly I fell.
I heard how the door on the other side of the car went open.
As I sat on the ground I heard footsteps behind me.
'Let me help you.'
He helped me get up and I didn't say anything.
He supported my arms and for the first time since I came out of the hospital I stood on my feet.
I couldn't hide the smile on my face.
'Right foot first.' Shawn held me strong while I placed my right foot a step further. Then my left. I went on like that for a little but eventually I lost control and would have fallen if Shawn didn't catch me.
'Can you just pick me up, please.'
Effortless he took me in his arms in bridal style.
He placed me in the car and he got in the drivers seat.
The drive to the house went by fast.

We sat on the table in the living room.
'I'm going upstairs.' I said.
Shawn got up from his chair and said: 'I'm coming with you.'
I looked at him without any emotion.
'Not like you have any choice.' I smiled weakly as I stretched my arms for him to take me.
I led Shawn through the house even though I didn't know wich way I needed to go.
Eventually we found the bedroom. Shawn gently placed me on the bed. He sat down next to me.
With a lot of effort I could turn around. I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around his neck. With all my strength I pulled myself up so I could sit on his lap.
The smile on my face felt so real and honest.
'You did it all by yourself', he said proud.
'Shut up.' I playfully pushed him away.
I placed my hands on Shawn's shoulders and pushed him down on the bed. My hips moved and I laid down on him.
My legs were only paralysed just above my knees so I could still move my thighs.
I pressed soft kisses on his skin. On his neck and chin, slowly moving up to his lips.
Shawn laid his hands on my hips and turned our positions so I laid down on the bed.
'Are we going to have sex?' I questioned him but smiled after I asked.
'Again Magalie, you really aren't subtle.' He laughed and kissed me.
He went down with his head. Pressing soft kisses on my skin. He slid my shirt up and kissed my belly. For a minute I forgot about all the scars on my body.
He opened my pants and slid it down. Revealing my scarred legs.
I avoided him as he traced the scars with his fingers.
'It's so ugly.' I said soft.
Shawn shook his head. 'It's what makes you you.'
He bounded his fingers through mine.
'You could call it art.'  He pressed his lips on the scarred skin. Giving every inch of my body a kiss. I didn't feel his touch on the paralysed parts of my legs. But I kept silent and he kept going.
He moved his body back up so his face was next to mine.
I touched his skin underneath his shirt. He had shivers all over his body as I pulled off his shirt. My head rested on his shoulder and he kissed my neck.
I grabbed his hair and held him close to me.
His hands went under my shirt and with his help I took it off. Revealing my old black bra.
Shawn stopped for a minute and looked at me. He was admiring me. And it felt amazing the way he looked at me.
'You are beautiful.' He said soft.
A kiss followed and went further where he stopped.