The life I never imagined

Flashbacks and Hope

When the world says 'give up', Hope whispers 'try it one more time.'-DrMichelleBengtson.com
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You can listen to 'Who you say I am' by Hillsong worship as you read!🌸
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Caitlyn'sPOV

'How come I dreamt well today?', I ponder again and again as I am just awake from a nap after a long day with Janelle. I check the time on the wall clock and I realize it is just 9:15 pm. I sit up and begin to think of my dream again.

The Dream this time went like this:

'Mummy why do you love the beach so much?', I asked my mum as we built a huge sand castle together. She smiled at me and she answered me saying that her heart always felt at peace when she was beside the ocean. She looked dreamily into the ocean and I stood up and tried to braid her very long, luscious brown curls. She took my hand from her hair and pulled me down on her lap, looked into my eyes and said, 'Cait, I love you so much, you're everything to me and I would never leave you'. I laughed wondering why she was talking so mushy. I pulled her up and ran into the ocean which caused her also to run after me. We began to splash water on each other and after few minutes, we walked back to where we were before and sat on the blanket laid on the sand. She wrapped me in a blanket as I shivered slightly. I rested my head on her shoulders as I said to her, 'Mum, I love you so much. I don't know what I would do without you. You're everything to me. Never leave my side mommy. Even when you grow old.' She put her hands around me and asked me jokingly, 'What about daddy? Isn't he everything to you?' 'Shhh... mummy. Don't tell him but I love you more.', I answered. She puts her hands on her mouth assuring me she wouldn't tell him and we both laughed.

That night as she tucked me into bed , I smiled knowing that I had parents who loved me endlessly.

End of Dream.

'Wow, it has been years since I had a good dream', I say to myself again as I click on the intercom for a cup of apple juice to be brought to my room.

I sit on my bed for a few minutes and after a while I decide to go for a late night drive. I change into comfortable clothes and I go to my personal car mall and drive out of my home with a white Bentley. I put the radio to a music channel and I begin to bop my head to the music slowly. Few minutes later, I am at a Superstore driveway lost in my thoughts again. I begin to reminiscence the death of my mum and how she had promised to never leave me. I remember the dream I had earlier and I remember how few weeks later after her promise, my life changed completely. I remember how my mum had fallen sick few days to her 36th birthday after the mom-daughter time the week before at the beach. I remember how my little eleven year old self then had been so sad after learning about mum's death. I remember how I went hungry for weeks and how I fell very ill too. I remember how I had been so angry as I thought of the promises we made of staying by each other's side forever and how soon we parted. I remember realizing that she had said all those words of promise only to hope that she wouldn't die. I remember how for weeks dad had been so gloomy, secretly crying when he thought I was not there. I remember how everything changed.

'I have to get over this . It's been 15 years now. I can't keep doing this anymore', I say to myself as I have said to my self the past five years before. I force a smile on my face has I put the key into the ignition switch and proceed to drive back home. As I drive home, a song begins to play, singing:

'Everything is gonna be alright
Cause this is just for a short time
Take a breath and smile cause everything is gonna be alright!'

I listen to the song and I laugh when it says,  'it's just for a short time. It hasn't been alright for almost all my life', I think to myself as I quietly sing along to the chorus which sings 'everything is gonna be alright' repeatedly. Few minutes later, I'm singing my heart out and for the rest of the drive back home, I keep smiling, hoping truly that everything would be alright.

As I park my car, I reach for my phone and I search for the song. I realize it is a Christian song and it was released few weeks ago. I had stopped listening to Christian songs a few years ago but the feeling of hope this song gives me is unimaginable and I decide to put the song  on repeat.

As I lay on my bed after a quick shower, I play the song on my iPod and begin to sing my heart out again. Few minutes later, I feel relieved and different than ever. With a smile, I close my eyes to sleep.

Sunday

'Maybe I should go to work today' , I say to myself as I eat my full breakfast. I eventually decide not to go to work but to go to one of my favourite places- Knowledge and Fun store, a small book store/library located in a small area. I love books a lot so most Sundays, I go to the store to read a new book. I believe that as a known and infamous person, I shouldn't be seen there so I always dress undercover when I go there wearing a t-shirt, jeans, sunglasses and a hat. I love the store so much as I secretly enjoy privacy doing one of the things I love- Books.

Charles had sent those who are to work on the painting and designs in my home and as soon a as I finish breakfast, I proceed to check what has been done so far and I would say I am impressed. I make small conversations with the workers and I realize they're surprised as they reply carefully. I think and laugh at the fact that they're scared of talking to me and I say they should keep their good work, leaving them in total bewilderment.

With curiosity, I walk into a room. A room I haven't stepped into years. A room I have avoided as a result of the many memories instilled in it. I look around the room and as memories begin to flood back into my mind, I run out as quick as possible. I walk to my room, change to a simple t-shirt, jeans, converse and a hat and then to my personal car mall. Minutes later, I'm on the way to 'the knowledge is fun store' in my black Mercedes car.

30 mins later

I'm sitting at my favourite spot reading a book I had chosen a few weeks ago but haven't had time to read. I sip on a glass of juice as I read and I wish I could drown myself in the book forever since everything seems to work out. Realizing the futility of such thought, I stick to living in my imagination for now.

So what do you think about this chapter? Write it down in the comment. I hope you enjoyed it cause I enjoyed writing this.😃

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