time is an illusion ; the ramblings of a dumb stupid idiot

lonely parking lots (a thing i wrote when i was sad) ;

a practically-empty parking lot, late at night, makes me sadder than it should

i shouldn't feel this pathetically broken over the sight of a fucking parking lot

but there are hardly any cars there
and being there makes me feel so alone

i feel like i'm not good enough; like i'm a loser for even wanting to be here

and when another pulls into the lot
it makes me sadder

because why in the world would someone else want to feel this way?

and the sight of that person makes me want to cry

because how could this person not be feeling the same lonely emptiness i'm feeling?

the ignorance is almost painful and i can feel myself breaking because maybe this person is happy
and maybe i'm a terrible fucking person for thinking like this
for thinking that anyone would ever think the same way i do

because i'm so fucked up and there's no way in hell anyone could ever be like me there's no way in hell anyone could ever be as lost as me

and i hate myself for it i hate myself for this i hate myself for thinking like this
i can't do this anymore i can't handle this anymore someone please save me before i lose myself