I'll Never Leave You

|Don't Even Kiss Me|

Colby
I wake up in the morning to a little hand on my arm, "colby." Sam says, I put my hand out and Elton gives me my two pills, being on medication isn't that bad, but when your on crazy pills, it is bad. "Can you please try and eat today?" Sam asks, it's not that I don't want to eat, it's that I want to die. "No." I say, he hugs me. "Why not, I feel like your not telling me something." Sam says, I play with his hair, I feel like I've given life enough chances, I'm just bored of it. "I tell you everything sam, there's nothing wrong." I say, he starts to cry. "Then tell me why you won't eat, tell me you cry everyday, tell me the real reason why you tried to kill yourself. I'm done colby, your not telling me something and you know it." He says, I try and hug him, he pushes me away. "No, don't touch me until you tell me what's going on with you besides your mental illness." He says, I start to cry and run out of my room, slamming the door. I was thinking about trying again, but I won't, I hate my life. I see sam step out of my room, he stands in the doorway, crying. "Are we ok?" I ask, he looks down at me. "Yeah, can you tell me why you're so sad? I'm worried about you, but apparently I'm not allowed to be FUCKING worried." Sam says, I jump. "There's, no reason sam, I'm just sad." I say, he looks at me and shakes his head. "There's no real reason to why you won't eat, there's no real reason to why you cry everyday?" He asks, I shake my head, he walks passed me and goes downstairs, I cry harder. I sadly walk down the stairs and go to the kitchen and sit next to sam, I hug him, he doesn't hug back. "I need a hug, please?" I say. "You always need a hug." He says, I get off of him and sit with my knees in my chest. "Why did you wake up in such a pissy mood sam?" Elton asks, he puts his head down. "Are you ok today colby?" He asks, I nod and put my head in my knees. "Both of you aren't ok, I can tell." Elton says, I look up, so does sam. "Can't you just leave me alone for just one fucking minute?" Sam says, Elton raises his eyebrows. "What are you gonna fucking ground me? You're not my father." He says, I look at him. "Don't look at me, don't talk to me, don't even kiss me." He says, then gets up, pushing his plate onto the floor, I sob. "Colby it's ok." Elton says, I run upstairs into the bathroom and cry. "SAM PLEASE IM GONNA KILL MYSELF!" I yell, was I really gonna kill myself? I know how to shoot a gun. "COLBY SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU'RE NOT GONNA YOU KNOW THAT!" Sam says from his room, I cry harder. "WHY ARE YOU BEING SO MEAN TO ME?" I yell,the bathroom door opens. "Colby you know for damn sure that you're not gonna try suicide again, it doesn't do anything for you, I'll go talk to sam." Elton says, when he walks out I grab his pack of razor blades from the shower, I open them up and look at my arms to see where I can cut. Once I find a place I slide the blade down my arm and make a cut, I watch myself bleed, it wasn't deep enough for me to die, but just so I could feel the relief of wanting to.