Secrets Are Always Kept

One

I feel the white and delicate substance tickle my nose as I inhale it into my system. A wave of pleasure takes over my body and I begin to feel like I am on top of the world. I look over at my buds and laugh. They look at me and flash me a crooked smile. Ah, this is great, after a shitty day, this makes everything much better.

"Tomorrow we're going to the bar so make sure to bring your fake IDs." I slur as I lay down on the couch and put my arms behind my neck, sighing. After my high is over I usually like to relax while the effects start to come off. "Who's buying, Jaylee?" Derek says as he sits down on the end of the couch, moving my legs.

"I don't know, Rock Paper Scissors?" Sometimes I am such a stupid ass. "Alright then, come on let's all get in a circle." he motions Casey, Xavier, and Nathan to stand up.

"Oh come on, this is so stupid." Nathan groans as he face palms himself. "Lighten up, Nate." Casey chuckles as he pats him on the back. Nathan glares at Casey, "Man, I already told you that I hate it when people call me Nate." Casey backs away slowly and he almost trips. Nathan turns his attention back to us. "Are we doing this or not?"

We all quickly play the game and sure enough, Casey has to pay for our drinks. Poor guy, he can't help it if he sucks at Rock Paper Scissors. At least I'll be sympathetic of him and just order one. Casey's money is going to go down the drain considering how much these guys drink. Don't get me wrong, I'm also a big drinker, but I just hate to see Casey pay for all of that so I'll just have mercy on him.

I glance at my phone and quickly look at the time. "Guys we better start on our homework." they all groan. "You guys know we have to." they nod and take out the assignments and textbooks. I basically help all of them out except for Nathan because he's a smart ass. Sometimes I'm the one that needs help from him. We are all sophomores in high school with Nathan being the oldest in the group, though he doesn't really act like it. Derek acts like the group leader most of the time. But I'm basically the leader since I started this group at the beginning of freshman year. I'm the only girl in this group which sucks sometimes. Being with guys is very overwhelming most of the time.

After schoolwork is finished, Nathan drops everyone off first with me last since we are neighbors. "See ya tomorrow." I wave goodbye as I walk across the lawn and into my house. Nobody seems to be home again, well except for my older sister Jessica. "Hey!" I smile as I take a seat on the couch next to her. "How was it?" she crosses her legs and stares at me intently. "Same as usual, get high then do schoolwork." she laughs as she plays with her fingers. "Doesn't it get boring?"

"Come to think of it, it does sometimes, I guess we need to make some changes."

"I'll say." I nudge her in the shoulder. "How is everything with Nathan?"

"Same as usual, I'm glad Casey got him into the group so now I can admire him closer." she shakes her head, "Oh dear Jaylee, you need to make the first move if you want him to catch on, maybe he's just as scared as you are to express his feelings, you never know."

I take her her words and bite my bottom lip, "It's not that simple, I'm very shy around him when I'm not around the other guys, it scares the shit out of me."

"Well you got to stop being a bitch and be a man or else you're going to get nowhere."

"I'm going to bed." I say as I head up the stairs. "Don't you want anything to eat?" Jessica calls after me and I shake my head and continue walking.

My bed is neatly made as I close the door behind me and take off my shoes. I look through my bedside drawer. I find the metal and grab the tissue. I call myself a profanity as I slit a line across my wrist. The pain felt good now that I had done it several times. I wipe some tears away as I clean the blade and my wrists.