Bullet ~ Cai Xukun

Miranda's Bullet.

"You've got to keep her away from him," Mother, your voice rings through, "if he gets to her, he'll get to you too. And you know how dangerous he is."

You are standing in front of me, your hand is on my shoulder, your grip firm.

"Miranda, are you listening to me?"

You seem relieved when I nod.

A smile forms over your lips, very familiar to the ones you'd present when I scored the highest on a test in High School; proud.

"Do you want some tea? It's been some time since you visited home."

"(Y/n) suggested I should visit a psychologist."

Your eyebrows frown in an instant, your index finger running across my jawline, as if inspecting.

"You are perfectly fine. Why would you even?"

I don't know, Mother, I haven't felt perfectly fine for a while now. It's scary how (Y/n) sees completely through me, as if I'm transparent, reading every damn thought I have had in mind.

"You just need to visit the dermatologist, you seem to develop dark circles. Have you been sleeping less?"

I've been sleeping fine, more than fine, actually. To be honest, I've been oversleeping, if that's how I need to put it. Why are you asking all the wrong questions, Mother?

"I'll fix you up with one, hm?" you smile at me, it feels professional and regular, before continuing with your steps as you hook your arm through mine, "let's get some chamomile tea together."

"Mother," you stop abruptly before looking at me. I take my time, I inspect every inch of your face, your body language, if you hold some remote recognition, but there's an absence of any such reflective emotion, "I'm allergic to chamomile tea."

--

I see you, (Y/N), I see you, sitting next to him on the pavement, you're trying real hard to suppress your smile. Trust me, seeing you be positive warms me a little inside, you've done so much for me anyway.

I might have not been the best friend, or acquaintance to you for a while, but let me tell you how proud I am, of you, of how long you've come, from being that young timid tenth grader to this confident woman who can punch any person down.

(Y/N), you like cookies, don't you?

--

I've been thinking about it a lot, if I have a purpose, of and for my existence. I don't know, I feel it's not worth it, to be struggling through every night to make it to the next dawn.

I feel lethargic, all the time.

(Y/n) wakes me up every morning, I'm grateful that she does, because if she forbids herself from doing something like this regularly, I might not even wake up.

It's really attractive, to not have the worry to wake up and work through another night, until Dawn knocks on my window.

How would it feel to not wake up?

--

(Y/n), you've been trying a lot, to talk to me and make me talk to you. I disappoint you all the time, don't I? That's what I am, a disappointment.

It's not that I don't have things to tell you. I have, a lot. But, now that Xukun is here, I don't want to act as a burden. Xukun makes you happy, despite the negativity that he radiates, he makes you happy.

And, with you, he seems different. Not the one that we had as our classmate, not the one who stabbed the Principal, not the one who hurt me. He seems so different, in a positive way, whenever he's with you.
I appreciate your effort, trying to keep Xukun away from me, it must have been hard for you. But, if I told you about me being aware of Xukun and you, you'll be disappointed.